Post by Smith Jones on Feb 10, 2013 21:03:54 GMT -5
Fade up on a shot of the PCW logo stitched into the fabric on the face of one of the turnbuckle pads. A symbol that has come to be known for excellence in this business. A logo that immediately stirs in us a feeling of familiarity, of comfort, of knowledge that when any two forces come together under the banner of Premium Championship Wrestling, there will be great action and entertainment to be seen. The camera zooms out to reveal that the Phillips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia, is empty and quite dark. The chairs are all set up in rows. The Wrestle Extravaganza III set is in darkness and it seems not quite built. Cut to a shot of Smith Jones standing outside the ring. The shot is from behind as we look over his shoulder at the massive framework, trying to imagine how it will all fit together. It is six days before Wrestle Extravaganza III: St. Valentine's Massacre. There is a modest amount of activity in the arena, but not much. It’s late in the evening and the crew has already wrapped for the day. Smith stands in awe of the large metal frame that is to carry the weight of the stage. The tron is already in place and sits dark and dormant. The camera moves around so we can now see Smith from the front with the wrestling ring as his background. The gray T-shirt he’s wearing has writing on the front of it: “Broadcast This”, in black lettering, with a sarcastic “X” overtop of the whole thing in white. He also wears black jeans and white running shoes. He walks slowly around the ring looking out into the darkness. In the near distance, he can make out the rows of floor seats. Further back, the seating falls off to blackness. Jones looks off as far as he can see with a slight smile. He continues to walk around the ring as he speaks.
Smith: Why a Knockout Match? There’s already a Last Man Standing Match on the card. Why, Smith, does it have to be a Knockout Match? What’s the fucking difference anyway? Why do you always have to prove your own arrogance? Why are you so angry, Smith Jones? What the fuck is the point of a Knockout Match??!!?!
His face fills with rage and a single tear actually falls from his eye from the anger. It runs heavily down his cheek and leaps from his jaw to the floor below. It hits the ground with a thunderous BOOM that shakes the entire arena! He remains at ringside and walks slowly.
Smith: If I manage to effectively rip your shoulder out of its socket with a sickening pop heard round the world, a Last Man Standing Match would give the EMTs only ten seconds to get out here and shove it back into place! Have you seen how slow the goddam EMTs move??? Fuck, I swear the chubby one always stops to grab a doughnut on the way to a call! In a Last Man Standing Match, it would be over…
He digs under the ring and pulls out a steel folding chair he taps it against the steel steps a couple of times.
Smith: …but in a Knockout Match, I would be allowed to rummage under the ring and find a steel folding chair. I could take that chair and rain down a metal hail storm focussed directly on the injured shoulder.
He loses his mind and smashes the steel chair against the ring post over and over and over again until the chair is a mangled mess of metal. He throws it out into the empty seats. He breathes heavily and glares into the camera with a sick smirk, crooked and evil.
Smith: Then I could curb stomp you into the mat and leave a stain of your putrid human face in the middle of the canvas for the rest of the night!!! Take a break, chubby EMT. Have some chocolate milk with that doughnut! There’s no need for you to come to the Knockout Match. And Jay, if I throw you over the top rope and you fall and shatter your femur on the edge of the ring steps, well, in a Last Man Standing Match, it would all be over in ten seconds. In a Knockout Match, it would not be over. You can’t just lie down and hope the mean mean man will just go away. The Knockout Match means that I would then be allowed to jump repeatedly on top of that painful injury until you pass out from the unbearable pain!!!!
Smith starts to jump up and down, madly stomping the floor beneath his feet with an evil gleam in his eye and a thick foam at his lips. He drools at the thought of Jay Thunder screaming in agony as he crushes his injured leg under his white boots. Smith then comes back to reality and listens to the remnant echoes of his wild grunts reverberate from the rafters. He catches his composure and breathes deeply, finding the camera lens and speaking to Jay directly.
Smith: If I hit you so hard with the Point of Controversy that I sever your spine and leave you paralyzed from the neck down, as you lay there unable to move anything but your eyeballs, a ten count would save your life in a Last Man Standing Match…
He sees the ring bell sitting on the timekeeper’s table and he rushes over to it. Smith picks up the ring bell with a sinister sneer.
Smith: …but, in a Knockout Match, I would be allowed to smash you in the fucking the face with the ring bell over and over again until chunks of meat and blood soak my ring gear to red!!! I'd turn that Mickey Mouse Club grin of yours into a warm soup of tenderized flesh and crushed bone!!!! Referee Stephanie Lawrence would have to climb on my back and peel me off of you!!!!!!!! Imagine the bloody pulp I’d leave behind. It’ll make the kidnap by Syn seem like a stroll in the fucking park!
Jones takes the ring bell and bangs it against the steps repeatedly, leaving dents on the steps as his does it! He then holds the ring bell close to his chest and falls to his knees. He hunches over it is if he’s just won the most prized possession that he can think of. He then comes back to reality again and looks down at the ring bell. It’s just a ring bell. Jones becomes livid. He stands up and hurls the ring bell far out into the darkness. It hits in the distance and bounces three times. The ringing echoes through the rafters and he walks up the ring steps. He wipes his feet respectfully on the apron before stepping into the ring.
Smith Jones is straddling the chasm between fantasy and reality and he is not sure if he will be able to pull himself back from the brink of disaster. There is nothing he wants more than to claim the title in question. This is all he has to live for. This is his future. He walks over to the corner and looks at the PCW logo stitched into the turnbuckle pad. His muscles flex with anticipation. He starts to untie the turnbuckle pad and takes it off, walking to centre-ring with it in his hands.
Smith: Jay Thunder. Do you wanna know what really put me over the top as to which title to challenge for? I looked at the champions. I studied the past champions and their futures. I also looked at each of the current singles champions in PCW. I looked at Adrien Cochrane. I was among those who cheered my face off when he went over on Heather Monroe to become the PCW World Heavyweight Champion! Good for him. No matter how much of a dickless pussy-whipped jellyfish he may come across as on twitter, he is a warrior in that ring and I have always put in-ring competition before everything else! So, in my book, Adrien Cochrane is a deserving champion.
He drops the turnbuckle pad in the middle of the ring and then goes to the same corner and pulls off the middle buckle pad. He walks it to mid-ring as he did with the first.
Smith: Then I looked at Jerry Matthews. He hates when I talk about him, so fuck you Jerry! I won’t waste much time putting you over! Anyway, I feel he has what it takes to make that belt mean something. Plus, Marina will be taking that title soon enough anyway, so we need not worry about the future of the Platinum Championship. It’ll be just fine.
Smith drops the pad next to the first one. He looks at the lone turnbuckle pad in the corner where the first two came from. He slowly walks over to it and sits cross-legged facing the corner. He leans in and carefully removes it from the bottom turnbuckle. He looks down at it with a nostalgic glimmer in his eye.
Smith: Danielle Lopez held the PCW Broadcast Championship for sixteen months!!! Heather Monroe held it twice and holds the record for most title defenses. Marina Valdivia, one of the most accomplished wrestlers of our time, brought great credibility and renown to the Broadcast Title until December 8th, 2012, when a wide-eyed dreamer by the name of Jay Thunder fluked himself into a championship. I really fuckin’ HATE Jay Thunder.
Smith rolls out of the ring and finds a screwdriver under the ring. He stabs it into the turnbuckle pad and tears the stuffing out of it. Bits of foam fall at his feet. He then slides into the ring and stabs the screwdriver into the mat. He makes a hole in the canvas and then grabs hold of the canvas. He stands and tears a large hole in the canvas revealing the thin padding beneath it. He rips up the padding to show the solid plywood beneath that. He then starts to loosen the top turnbuckle in one corner. The top rope begins to sag deeply. He then jumps out of the ring and loosens the bottom rope in the same fashion. He unties the ring apron and lets it sag to the floor. He gets back into the somewhat dismantled ring and rants to camera.
Smith: Jay, when you walked into this company, you had a dream in your heart and confidence on your face. You wanted to be the next big thing in this business and you took steps to make that happen. Before long, everybody got behind this massive wave of positive energy and you surfed it all the way to an impossible match against the most recently former Broadcast Champion, Marina Valdivia. How in the hell did you do it?!?!! How did you beat Marina?? Who did you pay? Who did you fuck? Who did you decapitate to get yourself to where you are today??!? And let’s look at who you are today for a minute. You’re basically following in MY footsteps, dude! Who’s stalking whom here? You beat Brian Stryker a couple of weeks back. Hey I recently beat him too! You tried to take on the giant Magnus, but you didn’t have what it took to get the job done there, did you? If you want to continue to be successful you must never forget why you came here in the first place. Dear Jay, think back to that first day. Think of the very first people you started to interact with. Think of the first time you stepped in front of a PCW crowd. Think of the dreams you had then of being great, of winning gold… Now think about where you are. Lock this moment into your memory forever, because this is where it all starts to fall apart. You’ve peaked, Jay Thunder. You’ve hit your very own personal glass ceiling. You’ve done all you ever had the guts to do in this biz, and I applaud you for it! I hope that if I ever end up in the ring with Marina that I’ll do as well as you did! Nice job. That will be a great story for you to tell for the next fifty years as you silently slink off into obscurity not too long after the dream comes crashing down all around you. Everything you thought you knew about your life is about to disappear. All the fans and the supporters all over the PCW map will slowly leave your side, one by one. And the reason for your failure is not Smith Jones. I would love to take full credit for your downfall. But allow me to fill you in because you appear to be totally clueless about this.
The camera zooms in tight on his intense face.
Smith: You will fail to remain Broadcast Champion because you never had a plan for that. You didn’t think that far ahead. All you thought about was how to get there, and once you got there the heat went up far higher than you’d planned for. You met me. I’ve stood by while you’ve carried that belt around for exactly sixty-four days and I’ve watched and I’ve waited for you to be better than you are. You suck, Jay Thunder. You SUCK!!!!! Your Broadcast Title reign will end on day seventy, and in that very same moment of shared history my Broadcast Title reign will begin!!!
He starts to pace all over the ring. He tears away more of the thin padding and moves a large sheet of plywood out of place. He flips it up and leans it against the ropes. We can see the skeleton of the ring beneath the open hole.
Smith: I’m Smith Jones. And just like you, Jay, I came into this company with a dream of my own. Only, my dream was not just a dream. I came in with a plan. I knew exactly what I needed to do to make myself an instant success around here. I beat Ryan "The Reaper" Robinson in my very first match! I quickly worked a feud with Brian Stryker and I dominated him. I had a mini-feud with that religious champ guy and he knows he can’t beat Smith Jones clean. I pinned the then current Platinum Champ DLK. I felled the mighty giant!!! I made Mariah Lopez a household name for a month straight! And I knocked you, you dim-witted piece of putrid human trash, right on your head to end the final Rapture of 2012, but more than that, I gave the world something to watch. And isn’t that what the Broadcast Championship should really be about??? Making people watch!!! Listen to the name of it. Broadcast Champion. It conjures for me images of a man who embodies all that is entertainment and, more importantly, all that is professional wrestling. The total package to fully encapsulate the very meaning of the PCW Broadcast Championship. I ask you, Jay, is that what you’re accomplishing with your annoying nattering on twitter? True story, folks, I followed @pcwjay_Thunder for a while, but I had to unfollow his ass because he sounded like a hyperactive preteen with her first cell phone. Then I thought I’d give him a second chance, but I unfollwed him again less than five minutes later because I just couldn’t take the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah… Jay, sometimes a tweet is really just a text. I mean, I respect the idea that the Broadcast Champion must, by definition, remain somewhat active on social media, but you have to learn to stop talking when you have nothing more to say!!!
Jones heaves the large piece of plywood up and over the top rope. It bangs against the ring steps on the way down.
Smith: I, on the other hand, have TONS more to say. I could go for hours on the subject of how you’ve wasted this grand opportunity to do something really big with your career. You made the mistake of thinking that the championship would make you the man. It does, sure. But it is also incumbent upon the champion himself to take that title and make IT great. That is where you have failed, Jay Thunder. That is what you simply don’t have the creative skill to do. And so, it’s just like I said to you when you first won the belt – take lots of pics with it. Make memories that you will want to keep forever, and I will do my best at Wrestle Extravaganza to knock those memories clean out of your skull!!!!!
He unties another random turnbuckle and throws it to the ground.
Smith: Y’know, true story, I had this whole entire plan for this match where I was gonna talk about how I plan to kill your very passion for this business and I was gonna tie it all into the fact that Valentine’s Day is coming up and even reference the big Willow/Z wedding and I was gonna use #LoveDies on twitter… but I scrapped all of that! I don’t need it! It suddenly hit me that all I really had to do was come out here, breathe in the smell of this canvas, and speak directly from the heart. That is exactly what this is. This has been one of the easiest promos to deliver because every single word of it has just fallen out of my mouth like a murderous waterfall come to drown the current champion. I’m gonna verbally waterboard you until your life force stops.
He finds camera and speaks calmly to his coming opponent.
Smith: And please, don’t take my brazen rudeness as a sign of disrespect. Please know that no matter whatever mean things I might ever say to you, I absolutely respect you. Fourth most wins in PCW is quite impressive. I gotta respect anyone who can walk into a place as wildly competitive as Premium Championship Wrestling and establish yourself so well so quickly. But you know deep down inside that I’ve done to Jay Thunder what I’ve done to so many people before you. I’ve changed you, Jay!!! You are a different man because of me. I’m making you think about your game. I’m making you realize that you must either learn to be a better champion or FUCK OFF and you know you cannot do it!!!!! Your reign as Broadcast Champion will be forgotten faster than Kony 2012.
Jones takes a deeeeeeep breath and reminds us all what matters here.
Smith: On Saturday night, February 16th, 2013, live from the Phillips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia, Premium Championship Wrestling proudly presents Wrestle Extravaganza III: St. Valentine's Massacre!!! The halfway point of the card (some might consider it the first main event) Jay Thunder, The Dark Horse for sure in this one, will attempt to defend the PCW Broadcast Championship for the very first time. His challenger is a man who is more than ready to assume the duties of champion. I’m right here and I know who I am!!! Jay, you’ve had so many different haircuts over the past few months, I won’t even recognize you when you come down to ringside! Oh, wait. You’ll be the one holding the Broadcast Championship, right? Well, after I rip it from your cold, dead fingers, they won’t be able to identify the body, because the next Broadcast Champion is the man who wrestles in white so you can more easily study every move. The man who speaks the truth every time his lips move. The man who made you all believe there was the possibility that I would beat Hall of Fame Heather. Seriously, who was your pick? And who’s your pick this time around? That’s what I thought! The man who came to change the game. The unnecessarily violent and vitriolic Smith Jones!!!!!!!!!! If you don’t plan to bring a better version of yourself than any of the other Jay Thunders we’ve seen over the past few months, then we should just tear the whole thing down and cancel the show right now!!!!! You can just hand me the belt. It doesn’t matter whether I knock you out by blunt force trauma, by asphyxiation, or if I cut you open and bleed you out like beef cattle. The kid with a dream is about to get put to bed. This Saturday night I will knock you the fuck out!!!!!! I’m poised to take over the airwaves!!!
Fade to black.
Smith: And you won’t even be awake to see it.
Smith: Why a Knockout Match? There’s already a Last Man Standing Match on the card. Why, Smith, does it have to be a Knockout Match? What’s the fucking difference anyway? Why do you always have to prove your own arrogance? Why are you so angry, Smith Jones? What the fuck is the point of a Knockout Match??!!?!
His face fills with rage and a single tear actually falls from his eye from the anger. It runs heavily down his cheek and leaps from his jaw to the floor below. It hits the ground with a thunderous BOOM that shakes the entire arena! He remains at ringside and walks slowly.
Smith: If I manage to effectively rip your shoulder out of its socket with a sickening pop heard round the world, a Last Man Standing Match would give the EMTs only ten seconds to get out here and shove it back into place! Have you seen how slow the goddam EMTs move??? Fuck, I swear the chubby one always stops to grab a doughnut on the way to a call! In a Last Man Standing Match, it would be over…
He digs under the ring and pulls out a steel folding chair he taps it against the steel steps a couple of times.
Smith: …but in a Knockout Match, I would be allowed to rummage under the ring and find a steel folding chair. I could take that chair and rain down a metal hail storm focussed directly on the injured shoulder.
He loses his mind and smashes the steel chair against the ring post over and over and over again until the chair is a mangled mess of metal. He throws it out into the empty seats. He breathes heavily and glares into the camera with a sick smirk, crooked and evil.
Smith: Then I could curb stomp you into the mat and leave a stain of your putrid human face in the middle of the canvas for the rest of the night!!! Take a break, chubby EMT. Have some chocolate milk with that doughnut! There’s no need for you to come to the Knockout Match. And Jay, if I throw you over the top rope and you fall and shatter your femur on the edge of the ring steps, well, in a Last Man Standing Match, it would all be over in ten seconds. In a Knockout Match, it would not be over. You can’t just lie down and hope the mean mean man will just go away. The Knockout Match means that I would then be allowed to jump repeatedly on top of that painful injury until you pass out from the unbearable pain!!!!
Smith starts to jump up and down, madly stomping the floor beneath his feet with an evil gleam in his eye and a thick foam at his lips. He drools at the thought of Jay Thunder screaming in agony as he crushes his injured leg under his white boots. Smith then comes back to reality and listens to the remnant echoes of his wild grunts reverberate from the rafters. He catches his composure and breathes deeply, finding the camera lens and speaking to Jay directly.
Smith: If I hit you so hard with the Point of Controversy that I sever your spine and leave you paralyzed from the neck down, as you lay there unable to move anything but your eyeballs, a ten count would save your life in a Last Man Standing Match…
He sees the ring bell sitting on the timekeeper’s table and he rushes over to it. Smith picks up the ring bell with a sinister sneer.
Smith: …but, in a Knockout Match, I would be allowed to smash you in the fucking the face with the ring bell over and over again until chunks of meat and blood soak my ring gear to red!!! I'd turn that Mickey Mouse Club grin of yours into a warm soup of tenderized flesh and crushed bone!!!! Referee Stephanie Lawrence would have to climb on my back and peel me off of you!!!!!!!! Imagine the bloody pulp I’d leave behind. It’ll make the kidnap by Syn seem like a stroll in the fucking park!
Jones takes the ring bell and bangs it against the steps repeatedly, leaving dents on the steps as his does it! He then holds the ring bell close to his chest and falls to his knees. He hunches over it is if he’s just won the most prized possession that he can think of. He then comes back to reality again and looks down at the ring bell. It’s just a ring bell. Jones becomes livid. He stands up and hurls the ring bell far out into the darkness. It hits in the distance and bounces three times. The ringing echoes through the rafters and he walks up the ring steps. He wipes his feet respectfully on the apron before stepping into the ring.
Smith Jones is straddling the chasm between fantasy and reality and he is not sure if he will be able to pull himself back from the brink of disaster. There is nothing he wants more than to claim the title in question. This is all he has to live for. This is his future. He walks over to the corner and looks at the PCW logo stitched into the turnbuckle pad. His muscles flex with anticipation. He starts to untie the turnbuckle pad and takes it off, walking to centre-ring with it in his hands.
Smith: Jay Thunder. Do you wanna know what really put me over the top as to which title to challenge for? I looked at the champions. I studied the past champions and their futures. I also looked at each of the current singles champions in PCW. I looked at Adrien Cochrane. I was among those who cheered my face off when he went over on Heather Monroe to become the PCW World Heavyweight Champion! Good for him. No matter how much of a dickless pussy-whipped jellyfish he may come across as on twitter, he is a warrior in that ring and I have always put in-ring competition before everything else! So, in my book, Adrien Cochrane is a deserving champion.
He drops the turnbuckle pad in the middle of the ring and then goes to the same corner and pulls off the middle buckle pad. He walks it to mid-ring as he did with the first.
Smith: Then I looked at Jerry Matthews. He hates when I talk about him, so fuck you Jerry! I won’t waste much time putting you over! Anyway, I feel he has what it takes to make that belt mean something. Plus, Marina will be taking that title soon enough anyway, so we need not worry about the future of the Platinum Championship. It’ll be just fine.
Smith drops the pad next to the first one. He looks at the lone turnbuckle pad in the corner where the first two came from. He slowly walks over to it and sits cross-legged facing the corner. He leans in and carefully removes it from the bottom turnbuckle. He looks down at it with a nostalgic glimmer in his eye.
Smith: Danielle Lopez held the PCW Broadcast Championship for sixteen months!!! Heather Monroe held it twice and holds the record for most title defenses. Marina Valdivia, one of the most accomplished wrestlers of our time, brought great credibility and renown to the Broadcast Title until December 8th, 2012, when a wide-eyed dreamer by the name of Jay Thunder fluked himself into a championship. I really fuckin’ HATE Jay Thunder.
Smith rolls out of the ring and finds a screwdriver under the ring. He stabs it into the turnbuckle pad and tears the stuffing out of it. Bits of foam fall at his feet. He then slides into the ring and stabs the screwdriver into the mat. He makes a hole in the canvas and then grabs hold of the canvas. He stands and tears a large hole in the canvas revealing the thin padding beneath it. He rips up the padding to show the solid plywood beneath that. He then starts to loosen the top turnbuckle in one corner. The top rope begins to sag deeply. He then jumps out of the ring and loosens the bottom rope in the same fashion. He unties the ring apron and lets it sag to the floor. He gets back into the somewhat dismantled ring and rants to camera.
Smith: Jay, when you walked into this company, you had a dream in your heart and confidence on your face. You wanted to be the next big thing in this business and you took steps to make that happen. Before long, everybody got behind this massive wave of positive energy and you surfed it all the way to an impossible match against the most recently former Broadcast Champion, Marina Valdivia. How in the hell did you do it?!?!! How did you beat Marina?? Who did you pay? Who did you fuck? Who did you decapitate to get yourself to where you are today??!? And let’s look at who you are today for a minute. You’re basically following in MY footsteps, dude! Who’s stalking whom here? You beat Brian Stryker a couple of weeks back. Hey I recently beat him too! You tried to take on the giant Magnus, but you didn’t have what it took to get the job done there, did you? If you want to continue to be successful you must never forget why you came here in the first place. Dear Jay, think back to that first day. Think of the very first people you started to interact with. Think of the first time you stepped in front of a PCW crowd. Think of the dreams you had then of being great, of winning gold… Now think about where you are. Lock this moment into your memory forever, because this is where it all starts to fall apart. You’ve peaked, Jay Thunder. You’ve hit your very own personal glass ceiling. You’ve done all you ever had the guts to do in this biz, and I applaud you for it! I hope that if I ever end up in the ring with Marina that I’ll do as well as you did! Nice job. That will be a great story for you to tell for the next fifty years as you silently slink off into obscurity not too long after the dream comes crashing down all around you. Everything you thought you knew about your life is about to disappear. All the fans and the supporters all over the PCW map will slowly leave your side, one by one. And the reason for your failure is not Smith Jones. I would love to take full credit for your downfall. But allow me to fill you in because you appear to be totally clueless about this.
The camera zooms in tight on his intense face.
Smith: You will fail to remain Broadcast Champion because you never had a plan for that. You didn’t think that far ahead. All you thought about was how to get there, and once you got there the heat went up far higher than you’d planned for. You met me. I’ve stood by while you’ve carried that belt around for exactly sixty-four days and I’ve watched and I’ve waited for you to be better than you are. You suck, Jay Thunder. You SUCK!!!!! Your Broadcast Title reign will end on day seventy, and in that very same moment of shared history my Broadcast Title reign will begin!!!
He starts to pace all over the ring. He tears away more of the thin padding and moves a large sheet of plywood out of place. He flips it up and leans it against the ropes. We can see the skeleton of the ring beneath the open hole.
Smith: I’m Smith Jones. And just like you, Jay, I came into this company with a dream of my own. Only, my dream was not just a dream. I came in with a plan. I knew exactly what I needed to do to make myself an instant success around here. I beat Ryan "The Reaper" Robinson in my very first match! I quickly worked a feud with Brian Stryker and I dominated him. I had a mini-feud with that religious champ guy and he knows he can’t beat Smith Jones clean. I pinned the then current Platinum Champ DLK. I felled the mighty giant!!! I made Mariah Lopez a household name for a month straight! And I knocked you, you dim-witted piece of putrid human trash, right on your head to end the final Rapture of 2012, but more than that, I gave the world something to watch. And isn’t that what the Broadcast Championship should really be about??? Making people watch!!! Listen to the name of it. Broadcast Champion. It conjures for me images of a man who embodies all that is entertainment and, more importantly, all that is professional wrestling. The total package to fully encapsulate the very meaning of the PCW Broadcast Championship. I ask you, Jay, is that what you’re accomplishing with your annoying nattering on twitter? True story, folks, I followed @pcwjay_Thunder for a while, but I had to unfollow his ass because he sounded like a hyperactive preteen with her first cell phone. Then I thought I’d give him a second chance, but I unfollwed him again less than five minutes later because I just couldn’t take the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah… Jay, sometimes a tweet is really just a text. I mean, I respect the idea that the Broadcast Champion must, by definition, remain somewhat active on social media, but you have to learn to stop talking when you have nothing more to say!!!
Jones heaves the large piece of plywood up and over the top rope. It bangs against the ring steps on the way down.
Smith: I, on the other hand, have TONS more to say. I could go for hours on the subject of how you’ve wasted this grand opportunity to do something really big with your career. You made the mistake of thinking that the championship would make you the man. It does, sure. But it is also incumbent upon the champion himself to take that title and make IT great. That is where you have failed, Jay Thunder. That is what you simply don’t have the creative skill to do. And so, it’s just like I said to you when you first won the belt – take lots of pics with it. Make memories that you will want to keep forever, and I will do my best at Wrestle Extravaganza to knock those memories clean out of your skull!!!!!
He unties another random turnbuckle and throws it to the ground.
Smith: Y’know, true story, I had this whole entire plan for this match where I was gonna talk about how I plan to kill your very passion for this business and I was gonna tie it all into the fact that Valentine’s Day is coming up and even reference the big Willow/Z wedding and I was gonna use #LoveDies on twitter… but I scrapped all of that! I don’t need it! It suddenly hit me that all I really had to do was come out here, breathe in the smell of this canvas, and speak directly from the heart. That is exactly what this is. This has been one of the easiest promos to deliver because every single word of it has just fallen out of my mouth like a murderous waterfall come to drown the current champion. I’m gonna verbally waterboard you until your life force stops.
He finds camera and speaks calmly to his coming opponent.
Smith: And please, don’t take my brazen rudeness as a sign of disrespect. Please know that no matter whatever mean things I might ever say to you, I absolutely respect you. Fourth most wins in PCW is quite impressive. I gotta respect anyone who can walk into a place as wildly competitive as Premium Championship Wrestling and establish yourself so well so quickly. But you know deep down inside that I’ve done to Jay Thunder what I’ve done to so many people before you. I’ve changed you, Jay!!! You are a different man because of me. I’m making you think about your game. I’m making you realize that you must either learn to be a better champion or FUCK OFF and you know you cannot do it!!!!! Your reign as Broadcast Champion will be forgotten faster than Kony 2012.
Jones takes a deeeeeeep breath and reminds us all what matters here.
Smith: On Saturday night, February 16th, 2013, live from the Phillips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia, Premium Championship Wrestling proudly presents Wrestle Extravaganza III: St. Valentine's Massacre!!! The halfway point of the card (some might consider it the first main event) Jay Thunder, The Dark Horse for sure in this one, will attempt to defend the PCW Broadcast Championship for the very first time. His challenger is a man who is more than ready to assume the duties of champion. I’m right here and I know who I am!!! Jay, you’ve had so many different haircuts over the past few months, I won’t even recognize you when you come down to ringside! Oh, wait. You’ll be the one holding the Broadcast Championship, right? Well, after I rip it from your cold, dead fingers, they won’t be able to identify the body, because the next Broadcast Champion is the man who wrestles in white so you can more easily study every move. The man who speaks the truth every time his lips move. The man who made you all believe there was the possibility that I would beat Hall of Fame Heather. Seriously, who was your pick? And who’s your pick this time around? That’s what I thought! The man who came to change the game. The unnecessarily violent and vitriolic Smith Jones!!!!!!!!!! If you don’t plan to bring a better version of yourself than any of the other Jay Thunders we’ve seen over the past few months, then we should just tear the whole thing down and cancel the show right now!!!!! You can just hand me the belt. It doesn’t matter whether I knock you out by blunt force trauma, by asphyxiation, or if I cut you open and bleed you out like beef cattle. The kid with a dream is about to get put to bed. This Saturday night I will knock you the fuck out!!!!!! I’m poised to take over the airwaves!!!
Fade to black.
Smith: And you won’t even be awake to see it.