Post by Yoshiru Long on May 13, 2011 21:49:57 GMT -5
The courtroom is filled as Mr. Blair sits alone at his table. Mr. Champlain and Mr. Thomas sit at their table as Judge Riley takes his seat behind the podium.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair, where is your client?
MR. BLAIR
Your Honor, Yoshiru is unable to make it today. He has fallen ill.
JUDGE RILEY
I have given this trial enough continuances. I am very close to dismissing this case, Mr. Blair.
MR. BLAIR
With all due respect, your Honor, we are willing to continue through today without my client present...if it is alright with you.
JUDGE RILEY
It doesn't appear that either side has listed Mr. Long as a witness. I guess we can proceed without him.
MR. BLAIR
Thank you, your Honor.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Thomas, you may call your first witness.
MR. THOMAS
We would like to call Russell Brand to the stand.
Russell Brand makes his way to the stand and sits down as the Bailiff approaches. The Bailiff holds out the bible and Russell places his right hand on it.
BAILIFF
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
RUSSELL BRAND
I do.
The Bailiff walks away as Mr. Thomas approaches.
MR. THOMAS
Mr. Brand, you work for Bill Champlain, correct?
RUSSELL BRAND
Yes sir.
MR. THOMAS
And do you believe that Mr. Champlain is an upstanding citizen?
RUSSELL BRAND
He seems to be.
MR. THOMAS
Do you believe that Mr. Champlain would steal from anyone?
RUSSELL BRAND
I wouldn't think so...but obviously I don't have the best intuition.
MR. THOMAS
What do you mean?
RUSSELL BRAND
Well, I married Katy Perry.
MR. THOMAS
Your Honor, I would like that stricken from the records. Mr. Russell making the mistake of marrying Katy Perry holds no bearing over his credibility as a witness during this trial!
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Russell, it's fully understandable. But a word of advice, never marry for looks. The last statement by Mr. Russell will be stricken from the records. Mr. Thomas, please proceed.
MR. THOMAS
Mr. Russell, do you know Yoshiru Long?
RUSSELL BRAND
I've heard of the fella, but I've never met him.
MR. THOMAS
Thank you...no further questions.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair, your witness.
Mr. Thomas sits down as Mr. Blair approaches the stand.
MR. BLAIR
Mr. Russell...please familiarize the court with who exactly you are. I imagine that some of us old-timers may not know you.
RUSSELL BRAND
My name is Russell Brand, and I am an actor.
MR. BLAIR
An ACTOR! Which means that your profession is to act, correct?
RUSSELL BRAND
That would be the idea behind acting.
MR. BLAIR
Can you name a few of the films that you have been in?
RUSSELL BRAND
Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Get Him To The Greek, Hop, Arthur...
MR. BLAIR
Thank you, Mr. Russell. Now, let me ask you...when you are hired to act...the person in charge of the show or film pays you money, correct?
RUSSELL BRAND
Yes.
MR. BLAIR
And once they pay you the money, they expect you to play the part of another person, correct?
RUSSELL BRAND
Yes.
MR. BLAIR
Ladies and gentlemen...Mr. Brand is an actor! And as we have heard from his testimony, when he is paid to do a job within his profession...he is being paid to play the part of another person! He is being paid to LIE about who he really is!
MR. THOMAS
Objection, your Honor!
MR. BLAIR
Your Honor, I have not stepped over the boundaries. I have given information which Mr. Brand has already given us.
JUDGE RILEY
I have to agree with Mr. Blair on this one. Objection overruled.
MR. BLAIR
I have no further questions for this witness.
Russell steps down from the stand and toward the rest of the onlookers.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Thomas, you may call your next witness.
MR. THOMAS
We would like to call William Shatner to the stand.
Shatner stands up in the audience and approaches the stand. As he sits down, the Bailiff approaches with the bible.
WILLIAM SHATNER
I'm... Canadian... We don't...believe in God.
Shatner pulls out a Star Trek screenplay and hands it to the Bailiff to hold. The Bailiff looks confused as Shatner places his right hand on it.
BAILIFF
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you...umm...the Federation?
WILLIAM SHATNER
I...do.
The Bailiff walks away still confused as Mr. Thomas approaches.
MR. THOMAS
Mr. Shatner, let's just get this out of the way right away, since I'm sure that Mr. Blair will bring it up. You're an actor, right?
WILLIAM SHATNER
I am...the greatest...Canadian actor...of all time!
MR. THOMAS
And you have starred in many of the Star Trek films, correct?
WILLIAM SHATNER
I am...Captain James Kirk...of the U.S.S...Enterprise.
MR. THOMAS
You currently work for Mr. Champlain, correct?
WILLIAM SHATNER
Yes...Yes...I do.
MR. THOMAS
And do you believe that Mr. Champlain would steal from another person?
WILLIAM SHATNER
Is he...related to Lindsay...Lohan?
MR. THOMAS
No.
WILLIAM SHATNER
Then the odds...are against... ...it.
MR. THOMAS
Thank you, Mr. Shatner. I have no further questions.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair, your witness.
Mr. Thomas sits down as Mr. Blair approaches with a paper and pen in hand. He hands the paper and pen to Shatner.
MR. BLAIR
Before I begin, can I get your autograph? I'm not sure if you know who I am...but I play in the Karate Priest series. We were in talks about doing a Karate Priest, Star Trek cross with myself teaming up with Captain Kirk.
Shatner signs the paper and hands it back.
WILLIAM SHATNER
I remember the...script. It...was aweful!
MR. BLAIR
Why you son of a...
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair! Calm yourself and start your questioning!
MR. BLAIR
My apologies, your Honor. Mr. Shatner, we have established that you are an actor. Which also establishes that if paid, you could easily lie on the stand. Furthermore, you were sworn in on a Star Trek screenplay...a STAR TREK SCREENPLAY! So let me ask you, Mr. Shatner...do you even know when you're acting, and when you're not?
WILLIAM SHATNER
I...don't follow.
MR. BLAIR
Mr. Shatner, are you the Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise?
WILLIAM SHATNER
Who is this...William Shatner? I am...Captain...James Kirk of...the...U.S.S. Enterprise! I...will destroy you...KHAN!!!
MR. BLAIR
I think you've proven my point. No further questions, your Honor.
Mr. Blair sits down as Shatner is excused from the stand.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Thomas...your next witness, please.
MR. THOMAS
We would like to call Macaulay Culkin to the stand.
Macaulay makes his way to the stand as the Bailiff approaches with the bible.
BAILIFF
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
MACAULAY CULKIN
Umm, since Shatner was able to swear on a Star Trek screenplay, can I be sworn in on Katy Perry's ass?
RUSSELL BRAND
At's my wife you're talking about, wanker!
MACAULAY CULKIN
What's your point? You don't even like her?!
RUSSELL BRAND
Oh yeah...carry on.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Culkin, you will swear in on the bible.
MACAULAY CULKIN
Alright, alright. I swear.
Mr. Thomas approaches the stand.
MR. THOMAS
I only have one question for you, Mr. Culkin. Do you believe that Mr. Champlain stole Yoshiru Long's C-Man?
MACAULAY CULKIN
There is no proof that Mr. Champlain stole Yoshiru's C-Man. If you ask me, Mr. Champlain is providing his own C-Man for the world.
MR. THOMAS
Thank you, Mr. Culkin. I have no further questions.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair, your witness.
Blair approaches the stand as Mr. Thomas sits down.
MR. BLAIR
Champlain is offering his own C-Man for the world? Really?
MACAULAY CULKIN
Really.
MR. BLAIR
I would like to present Exhibit A and Exhibit B.
The Bailiff brings out two jars containing white substances and with a small table. The Bailiff sets down the small table and places the jars on it. He pulls out two spoons, laying both down on the table as well.
MR. BLAIR
Mr. Culkin, does this white goo look familiar to you?
MACAULAY CULKIN
It kind of looks like the same goo that I shoot at people.
MR. BLAIR
It does, doesn't it? If you will look, Exhibit A is tagged as Yoshiru Long. This is his sticky, white goo. Exhibit B is tagged as Bill Champlain. It is the sticky, white goo that Mr. Champlain claims is his.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair, get to the point.
MR. BLAIR
My point is, I can prove that the goos are the same goo!
Blair makes his way over to the jars, opening both of them.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair...what are you doing?
MR. BLAIR
If you will just bare with me for a moment, your Honor...
JUDGE RILEY
Continue...
Blair takes a scoop of Yoshiru's goo and pulls it out of the jar. He tilts the spoon, letting the goo slowly run off, back in to the jar. After the goo runs off, he places the spoon next to the jar. Blair grabs the other spoon and dips it in to the other jar. He scoops up some goo, and once again lets it run off in to the jar.
MR. BLAIR
The consistancy seems similar, doesn't it Mr. Culkin?
MACAULAY CULKIN
It appears to have the same consistancy.
Blair dips the spoon in to the jar labeled Yoshiru Long. He pulls the spoon out, goo dripping off of the edges. Blair puts the spoon in his mouth and swallows the goo. Before the judge can say anything, he is forced to turn his head, vomiting all over Macaulay Culkin.
MR. BLAIR
This one is a little salty, but tasty.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr...
Before the judge can mutter out any more words, Blair takes a spoonful of goo from the other jar and eats it. The judge again turns his head, vomiting on Culkin.
MR. BLAIR
It tastes EXACTLY the same as the first jar!
JUDGE RILEY
MR. BLAIR! That was a sick display! That is a bodily fluid!
The courtroom doors suddenly fly open as C-Man appears! C-Man approaches the bench as Russell Brand and William Shatner quickly try to stop him. C-Man shoots his white goo in to the eyes of Russell and Shatner.
JUDGE RILEY
Order in the court! What the hell is this?!
C-MAN
I am C-Man! I am here to right the wrongs that these vile criminals have committed!
Katy Perry, pissed off, exits the row she is sitting in and approaches C-Man. He launches his white goo as her, but it sputters out, covering her chest.
C-MAN
Damn! One second...it appears that the canister has emptied.
C-Man turns away from Katy Perry for a moment while she bitches him out. He turns toward her again, covering her whole face in sticky, white goo.
JUDGE RILEY
What is the meaning of this?!
MR. CHAMPLAIN
Your Honor, you need to stop this maniac! You need to stop C-Man!
JUDGE RILEY
Why do you keep calling him semen?
MR. CHAMPLAIN
He's a superhero in Japan, C-Man!
JUDGE RILEY
WAIT!
C-Man looks toward the judge.
JUDGE RILEY
Are you telling me that this case has nothing to do with semen being stolen? It's actually a character named C-Man being stolen?
C-MAN
Of course.
JUDGE RILEY
And what's this white goo?
C-MAN
Cream, sugar, salt, and melted marshmellow.
JUDGE RILEY
So, it's not semen?
MR. BLAIR
Of course not! Do you really think that I would eat someone else's semen?!
JUDGE RILEY
Well, you did have me worried. Anyways, that changes everything about this case! It's as simple as this. Yoshiru, do you have a copyright over C-Man?
MR. BLAIR
No he doesn't, your Honor.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Champlain, do you have a copyright for the character C-Man?
MR. THOMAS
My client does, your Honor.
JUDGE RILEY
It's as simple as that. Mr. Champlain holds a copyright over the character C-Man, therefore, Yoshiru Long must cease use of the character. With that, this court is adjourned.
Judge Riley smacks the gavel in to the podium as Culkin is still trying to wipe off the vomit. C-Man continues to shoot his white goo, now at everyone within reach. The Bailiff quickly approaches and shoots C-Man with a taser gun, dropping him to the ground.
___________________________________________________________________________________
The World Heavyweight Championship. The most coveted prize in PCW. The prize which I hold. I have overcome every obstacle thrown in front of me. Whether it be an overgrown lumberjack from Minnesota. A little Argentinian rat. A freakshow that thinks he's at my level. For four months, I have taken on all challengers. I have defeated all challengers, and kept this championship around my waist. I was told that I had to prove myself...but what else is there left to prove? Do I have to prove that I'm better than all of these other contenders? Because...I believe I've already done that. At least...so far. At Slamathon, I face a challenge that...that I actually am excited about. How could I ask for a better challenge than the man who alongside me has shown dominance over PCW? I told the world that Sickboy is the future...and I truly believe he is. He is a man who is at the top of his game. He was at the top of his game when I met him in CWF. To you Sickboy, Slamathon...I can't wait.
On to other matters...
So...I defeat Nightrain how many times? I'm actually losing count. It seems like week after week it's Yoshiru Long and Nightrain in some sort of match. And it seems like every week it's Nightrain laying on his back while Yoshiru Long stands tall. Are you seeing a pattern here, Nightrain? No matter how hard you try, you just can't defeat me. But you still try, just like the little engine that could. I have to give you credit...you don't give up. But maybe, just maybe...it's time for you to give up. You need to face the facts, Nightrain. I'm just better than you. Do you need me to repeat that?
I'M JUST BETTER THAN YOU!
Did you hear me that time? This championship, it will never be yours. You're just not championship material. Maybe if you were fishing in a smaller pond, you'd be able to accomplish something. I'll give you a little word of advice, Nightrain. You've heard of betting on race horses, right? Well, you can use the same theory for matches between me and you. Now, unfortunately for you, if you play the odds to win it big, you'd have to bet on yourself...and lose. But, if you were a smart man, you'd place the bet on me. It wouldn't be as much money that you'd bank...but you would bank money rather than lose it. And considering your track record against me, and how often we compete against each other, this may be your only option for an income! Nothing like getting paid for being a loser, right? In all seriousness, you cannot...CANNOT defeat me. You aren't as skilled...you aren't as experienced...you aren't as intelligent...you aren't anywhere near comparable to me!
But Nightrain is not alone this time...
Is he, Draven... The funny thing is...I'm far from worried. You may have had a contender's match against Sickboy at Shellshock, but you have yet to impress me, Draven. And come Rapture, I think that I'm going to find...you still won't have impressed me. To be a great in this industry, Draven...you need to make an impact. Take me for example. When I came to PCW, I went after the two men who were considered the TOP of PCW. I brutalized both of them over four weeks. To continue my impact, I captured the World Heavyweight Championship. And since, I have not quit with the impact! I, along with Sickboy and Paul Blair have formed The Elite...the faction that has undoubtably surpassed the best of the best! The Horsemen, The Fed Killers, Shock Value, X-Rated, The Superstarz Connection...they are nothing...NOTHING compared to us! Now that you can understand what impact really is...tell me something, Draven...where's your impact? At Rapture, myself and Michael Morrison, we'll prove that...
WE'RE JUST BETTER THAN YOU!
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair, where is your client?
MR. BLAIR
Your Honor, Yoshiru is unable to make it today. He has fallen ill.
JUDGE RILEY
I have given this trial enough continuances. I am very close to dismissing this case, Mr. Blair.
MR. BLAIR
With all due respect, your Honor, we are willing to continue through today without my client present...if it is alright with you.
JUDGE RILEY
It doesn't appear that either side has listed Mr. Long as a witness. I guess we can proceed without him.
MR. BLAIR
Thank you, your Honor.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Thomas, you may call your first witness.
MR. THOMAS
We would like to call Russell Brand to the stand.
Russell Brand makes his way to the stand and sits down as the Bailiff approaches. The Bailiff holds out the bible and Russell places his right hand on it.
BAILIFF
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
RUSSELL BRAND
I do.
The Bailiff walks away as Mr. Thomas approaches.
MR. THOMAS
Mr. Brand, you work for Bill Champlain, correct?
RUSSELL BRAND
Yes sir.
MR. THOMAS
And do you believe that Mr. Champlain is an upstanding citizen?
RUSSELL BRAND
He seems to be.
MR. THOMAS
Do you believe that Mr. Champlain would steal from anyone?
RUSSELL BRAND
I wouldn't think so...but obviously I don't have the best intuition.
MR. THOMAS
What do you mean?
RUSSELL BRAND
Well, I married Katy Perry.
MR. THOMAS
Your Honor, I would like that stricken from the records. Mr. Russell making the mistake of marrying Katy Perry holds no bearing over his credibility as a witness during this trial!
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Russell, it's fully understandable. But a word of advice, never marry for looks. The last statement by Mr. Russell will be stricken from the records. Mr. Thomas, please proceed.
MR. THOMAS
Mr. Russell, do you know Yoshiru Long?
RUSSELL BRAND
I've heard of the fella, but I've never met him.
MR. THOMAS
Thank you...no further questions.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair, your witness.
Mr. Thomas sits down as Mr. Blair approaches the stand.
MR. BLAIR
Mr. Russell...please familiarize the court with who exactly you are. I imagine that some of us old-timers may not know you.
RUSSELL BRAND
My name is Russell Brand, and I am an actor.
MR. BLAIR
An ACTOR! Which means that your profession is to act, correct?
RUSSELL BRAND
That would be the idea behind acting.
MR. BLAIR
Can you name a few of the films that you have been in?
RUSSELL BRAND
Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Get Him To The Greek, Hop, Arthur...
MR. BLAIR
Thank you, Mr. Russell. Now, let me ask you...when you are hired to act...the person in charge of the show or film pays you money, correct?
RUSSELL BRAND
Yes.
MR. BLAIR
And once they pay you the money, they expect you to play the part of another person, correct?
RUSSELL BRAND
Yes.
MR. BLAIR
Ladies and gentlemen...Mr. Brand is an actor! And as we have heard from his testimony, when he is paid to do a job within his profession...he is being paid to play the part of another person! He is being paid to LIE about who he really is!
MR. THOMAS
Objection, your Honor!
MR. BLAIR
Your Honor, I have not stepped over the boundaries. I have given information which Mr. Brand has already given us.
JUDGE RILEY
I have to agree with Mr. Blair on this one. Objection overruled.
MR. BLAIR
I have no further questions for this witness.
Russell steps down from the stand and toward the rest of the onlookers.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Thomas, you may call your next witness.
MR. THOMAS
We would like to call William Shatner to the stand.
Shatner stands up in the audience and approaches the stand. As he sits down, the Bailiff approaches with the bible.
WILLIAM SHATNER
I'm... Canadian... We don't...believe in God.
Shatner pulls out a Star Trek screenplay and hands it to the Bailiff to hold. The Bailiff looks confused as Shatner places his right hand on it.
BAILIFF
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you...umm...the Federation?
WILLIAM SHATNER
I...do.
The Bailiff walks away still confused as Mr. Thomas approaches.
MR. THOMAS
Mr. Shatner, let's just get this out of the way right away, since I'm sure that Mr. Blair will bring it up. You're an actor, right?
WILLIAM SHATNER
I am...the greatest...Canadian actor...of all time!
MR. THOMAS
And you have starred in many of the Star Trek films, correct?
WILLIAM SHATNER
I am...Captain James Kirk...of the U.S.S...Enterprise.
MR. THOMAS
You currently work for Mr. Champlain, correct?
WILLIAM SHATNER
Yes...Yes...I do.
MR. THOMAS
And do you believe that Mr. Champlain would steal from another person?
WILLIAM SHATNER
Is he...related to Lindsay...Lohan?
MR. THOMAS
No.
WILLIAM SHATNER
Then the odds...are against... ...it.
MR. THOMAS
Thank you, Mr. Shatner. I have no further questions.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair, your witness.
Mr. Thomas sits down as Mr. Blair approaches with a paper and pen in hand. He hands the paper and pen to Shatner.
MR. BLAIR
Before I begin, can I get your autograph? I'm not sure if you know who I am...but I play in the Karate Priest series. We were in talks about doing a Karate Priest, Star Trek cross with myself teaming up with Captain Kirk.
Shatner signs the paper and hands it back.
WILLIAM SHATNER
I remember the...script. It...was aweful!
MR. BLAIR
Why you son of a...
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair! Calm yourself and start your questioning!
MR. BLAIR
My apologies, your Honor. Mr. Shatner, we have established that you are an actor. Which also establishes that if paid, you could easily lie on the stand. Furthermore, you were sworn in on a Star Trek screenplay...a STAR TREK SCREENPLAY! So let me ask you, Mr. Shatner...do you even know when you're acting, and when you're not?
WILLIAM SHATNER
I...don't follow.
MR. BLAIR
Mr. Shatner, are you the Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise?
WILLIAM SHATNER
Who is this...William Shatner? I am...Captain...James Kirk of...the...U.S.S. Enterprise! I...will destroy you...KHAN!!!
MR. BLAIR
I think you've proven my point. No further questions, your Honor.
Mr. Blair sits down as Shatner is excused from the stand.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Thomas...your next witness, please.
MR. THOMAS
We would like to call Macaulay Culkin to the stand.
Macaulay makes his way to the stand as the Bailiff approaches with the bible.
BAILIFF
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
MACAULAY CULKIN
Umm, since Shatner was able to swear on a Star Trek screenplay, can I be sworn in on Katy Perry's ass?
RUSSELL BRAND
At's my wife you're talking about, wanker!
MACAULAY CULKIN
What's your point? You don't even like her?!
RUSSELL BRAND
Oh yeah...carry on.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Culkin, you will swear in on the bible.
MACAULAY CULKIN
Alright, alright. I swear.
Mr. Thomas approaches the stand.
MR. THOMAS
I only have one question for you, Mr. Culkin. Do you believe that Mr. Champlain stole Yoshiru Long's C-Man?
MACAULAY CULKIN
There is no proof that Mr. Champlain stole Yoshiru's C-Man. If you ask me, Mr. Champlain is providing his own C-Man for the world.
MR. THOMAS
Thank you, Mr. Culkin. I have no further questions.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair, your witness.
Blair approaches the stand as Mr. Thomas sits down.
MR. BLAIR
Champlain is offering his own C-Man for the world? Really?
MACAULAY CULKIN
Really.
MR. BLAIR
I would like to present Exhibit A and Exhibit B.
The Bailiff brings out two jars containing white substances and with a small table. The Bailiff sets down the small table and places the jars on it. He pulls out two spoons, laying both down on the table as well.
MR. BLAIR
Mr. Culkin, does this white goo look familiar to you?
MACAULAY CULKIN
It kind of looks like the same goo that I shoot at people.
MR. BLAIR
It does, doesn't it? If you will look, Exhibit A is tagged as Yoshiru Long. This is his sticky, white goo. Exhibit B is tagged as Bill Champlain. It is the sticky, white goo that Mr. Champlain claims is his.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair, get to the point.
MR. BLAIR
My point is, I can prove that the goos are the same goo!
Blair makes his way over to the jars, opening both of them.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Blair...what are you doing?
MR. BLAIR
If you will just bare with me for a moment, your Honor...
JUDGE RILEY
Continue...
Blair takes a scoop of Yoshiru's goo and pulls it out of the jar. He tilts the spoon, letting the goo slowly run off, back in to the jar. After the goo runs off, he places the spoon next to the jar. Blair grabs the other spoon and dips it in to the other jar. He scoops up some goo, and once again lets it run off in to the jar.
MR. BLAIR
The consistancy seems similar, doesn't it Mr. Culkin?
MACAULAY CULKIN
It appears to have the same consistancy.
Blair dips the spoon in to the jar labeled Yoshiru Long. He pulls the spoon out, goo dripping off of the edges. Blair puts the spoon in his mouth and swallows the goo. Before the judge can say anything, he is forced to turn his head, vomiting all over Macaulay Culkin.
MR. BLAIR
This one is a little salty, but tasty.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr...
Before the judge can mutter out any more words, Blair takes a spoonful of goo from the other jar and eats it. The judge again turns his head, vomiting on Culkin.
MR. BLAIR
It tastes EXACTLY the same as the first jar!
JUDGE RILEY
MR. BLAIR! That was a sick display! That is a bodily fluid!
The courtroom doors suddenly fly open as C-Man appears! C-Man approaches the bench as Russell Brand and William Shatner quickly try to stop him. C-Man shoots his white goo in to the eyes of Russell and Shatner.
JUDGE RILEY
Order in the court! What the hell is this?!
C-MAN
I am C-Man! I am here to right the wrongs that these vile criminals have committed!
Katy Perry, pissed off, exits the row she is sitting in and approaches C-Man. He launches his white goo as her, but it sputters out, covering her chest.
C-MAN
Damn! One second...it appears that the canister has emptied.
C-Man turns away from Katy Perry for a moment while she bitches him out. He turns toward her again, covering her whole face in sticky, white goo.
JUDGE RILEY
What is the meaning of this?!
MR. CHAMPLAIN
Your Honor, you need to stop this maniac! You need to stop C-Man!
JUDGE RILEY
Why do you keep calling him semen?
MR. CHAMPLAIN
He's a superhero in Japan, C-Man!
JUDGE RILEY
WAIT!
C-Man looks toward the judge.
JUDGE RILEY
Are you telling me that this case has nothing to do with semen being stolen? It's actually a character named C-Man being stolen?
C-MAN
Of course.
JUDGE RILEY
And what's this white goo?
C-MAN
Cream, sugar, salt, and melted marshmellow.
JUDGE RILEY
So, it's not semen?
MR. BLAIR
Of course not! Do you really think that I would eat someone else's semen?!
JUDGE RILEY
Well, you did have me worried. Anyways, that changes everything about this case! It's as simple as this. Yoshiru, do you have a copyright over C-Man?
MR. BLAIR
No he doesn't, your Honor.
JUDGE RILEY
Mr. Champlain, do you have a copyright for the character C-Man?
MR. THOMAS
My client does, your Honor.
JUDGE RILEY
It's as simple as that. Mr. Champlain holds a copyright over the character C-Man, therefore, Yoshiru Long must cease use of the character. With that, this court is adjourned.
Judge Riley smacks the gavel in to the podium as Culkin is still trying to wipe off the vomit. C-Man continues to shoot his white goo, now at everyone within reach. The Bailiff quickly approaches and shoots C-Man with a taser gun, dropping him to the ground.
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The World Heavyweight Championship. The most coveted prize in PCW. The prize which I hold. I have overcome every obstacle thrown in front of me. Whether it be an overgrown lumberjack from Minnesota. A little Argentinian rat. A freakshow that thinks he's at my level. For four months, I have taken on all challengers. I have defeated all challengers, and kept this championship around my waist. I was told that I had to prove myself...but what else is there left to prove? Do I have to prove that I'm better than all of these other contenders? Because...I believe I've already done that. At least...so far. At Slamathon, I face a challenge that...that I actually am excited about. How could I ask for a better challenge than the man who alongside me has shown dominance over PCW? I told the world that Sickboy is the future...and I truly believe he is. He is a man who is at the top of his game. He was at the top of his game when I met him in CWF. To you Sickboy, Slamathon...I can't wait.
On to other matters...
So...I defeat Nightrain how many times? I'm actually losing count. It seems like week after week it's Yoshiru Long and Nightrain in some sort of match. And it seems like every week it's Nightrain laying on his back while Yoshiru Long stands tall. Are you seeing a pattern here, Nightrain? No matter how hard you try, you just can't defeat me. But you still try, just like the little engine that could. I have to give you credit...you don't give up. But maybe, just maybe...it's time for you to give up. You need to face the facts, Nightrain. I'm just better than you. Do you need me to repeat that?
I'M JUST BETTER THAN YOU!
Did you hear me that time? This championship, it will never be yours. You're just not championship material. Maybe if you were fishing in a smaller pond, you'd be able to accomplish something. I'll give you a little word of advice, Nightrain. You've heard of betting on race horses, right? Well, you can use the same theory for matches between me and you. Now, unfortunately for you, if you play the odds to win it big, you'd have to bet on yourself...and lose. But, if you were a smart man, you'd place the bet on me. It wouldn't be as much money that you'd bank...but you would bank money rather than lose it. And considering your track record against me, and how often we compete against each other, this may be your only option for an income! Nothing like getting paid for being a loser, right? In all seriousness, you cannot...CANNOT defeat me. You aren't as skilled...you aren't as experienced...you aren't as intelligent...you aren't anywhere near comparable to me!
But Nightrain is not alone this time...
Is he, Draven... The funny thing is...I'm far from worried. You may have had a contender's match against Sickboy at Shellshock, but you have yet to impress me, Draven. And come Rapture, I think that I'm going to find...you still won't have impressed me. To be a great in this industry, Draven...you need to make an impact. Take me for example. When I came to PCW, I went after the two men who were considered the TOP of PCW. I brutalized both of them over four weeks. To continue my impact, I captured the World Heavyweight Championship. And since, I have not quit with the impact! I, along with Sickboy and Paul Blair have formed The Elite...the faction that has undoubtably surpassed the best of the best! The Horsemen, The Fed Killers, Shock Value, X-Rated, The Superstarz Connection...they are nothing...NOTHING compared to us! Now that you can understand what impact really is...tell me something, Draven...where's your impact? At Rapture, myself and Michael Morrison, we'll prove that...
WE'RE JUST BETTER THAN YOU!