Post by Yoshiru Long on Jun 24, 2011 22:49:59 GMT -5
OOC: Couldn't finish the story because of time restraints, and usually, I have a bit more in the Yoshiru speech department, but didn't have the time to really improve on that this week either.
Yoshiru, Hannah Montana, The Cookie Monster, Chucky, Batman, The Trix Rabbit, Shaggy, Scooby, Chris Rock, and *CENSORED* all sit in chairs forming a circle around an old artesian rug.
HANNAH MONTANA
Welcome to the support group. For those of who don't know who I am, my name is Hannah Montana. And after years of having my own television show and becoming a success in the music industry, I have decided to help others by forming a support group for those in need. Now, unlike most support groups, this isn't just about alcoholics or drug addicts...this support group is to help with addictions and obsessions. With that said, why don't we go around the room and tell the rest of the group a little bit about ourselves. Batman, why don't we start with you.
BATMAN
Hello everyone...my name is Batman.
HANNAH MONTANA
Real name, please.
BATMAN
But that's private.
HANNAH MONTANA
If you want help, Bruce...you'll need to tell everyone your real name.
BATMAN
FINE! My name is Bruce Wayne. I fight crime in Gotham City.
HANNAH MONTANA
And why don't you tell everyone what your obsession is.
BATMAN
Gotham has been plagued by this Joker. For years I have tried to apprehend him, but he always manages to get away!
HANNAH MONTANA
It's never good to be obsessed, Bruce. Anyways, let's carry on. Cookie, why don't you go next.
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Me Cookie Monster. Me live Seseme Street. Me want cookie! Me want cookie! Me want cookie!
HANNAH MONTANA
Alright...alright! Calm down, Cookie. That was great! Chris, your turn.
CHRIS ROCK
My name is Chris Rock. I'm an actor. Umm, my obsession would be that I don't get the respect that I deserve!
HANNAH MONTANA
Very good, Chris! You shouldn't care if there isn't a single person who can remember a single movie you've been in! You're a great person, Chris...and that's what matters! Let's see here. Yoshiru, let's have you go next.
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
I wasn't sure why I decided to join this support group. I'm stuck in this mansion with a bunch of losers. I mean, come on. Batman?! The Cookie Monster?! And Chris Rock...I never even knew he was an actor! But man is he black. Like somebody put him in the oven and burnt him! Wait...they may be a bit racist...ah, who the hell cares?! I'm not speaking out loud! At least there's one good thing about this support group. That chick running this thing, she's kind of hot. Nice chest too! Very nice chest!
HANNAH MONTANA
Yoshiru? Yoshiru! YOSHIRU! Hey, those things you're staring at...they're not my eyes!
YOSHIRU LONG
I'm sorry. I was spacing out. My name is Yoshiru Long. I'm from Tokyo, Japan...and I am a professional wrestler. I wouldn't say that I have any addictions, but I feel that I need this support group to help with my obsession. I am obsessed with being the World Heavyweight Champion.
HANNAH MONTANA
Good job, Yoshiru! Now, as long as we can keep those eyes of yours off of my chest, we'll be just fine! Rabbit, why don't you go next.
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
This rabbit looks like a douche. All white and fluffy. I knew I had seen him somewhere before, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
THE RABBIT
My name is Rabbit, and I am obsessed with Trix cereal!
HANNAH MONTANA
Silly Rabbit, tell them the rest...
THE RABBIT
Alright. I am here under court mandate. I was trying to steal some Trix when I was busted by a group of kids...so to keep from getting caught, I broke each of their little necks.
HANNAH MONTANA
There...now don't you feel better? Chucky, your turn.
CHUCKY
Hi! I'm Chucky! And I'll be your friend 'til the end!
HANNAH MONTANA
Chucky...
CHUCKY
I'm just messin' around. Can't you take a joke? My name is Chucky and, well, I'm a killer doll.
HANNAH MONTANA
And of course, your treatment here has been mandated as well. *CENSORED*, why don't we hear from you...
*CENSORED*
My name is *CENSORED*, and I'm a car dealer. But I've been wanting a change in careers. My obsession is trying to become a wrestler.
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
His obsession should be to become a better salesman, because a wrestling career just would not work for him. But of course, I already explained that to him. I must admit though, out of all of the people here, he probably needs the support group the most. *CENSORED* is the definition of loser.
HANNAH MONTANA
Thank you, *CENSORED*! Scoob, Shag, you're up!
SHAGGY
Lik, my name's Shaggy, and this is my best bud Scoob!
SCOOBY DOO
Rank roo, Raggy!
SHAGGY
My passion is food...doesn't matter what kind, as long as it's like...food!
SCOOBY DOO
Rot rogs... Ricken... Rie... Rickles... Rizza... rand ry ravorite...Rooby Racks!!!
SHAGGY
Like, I would kill for a Scooby Snack!
SCOOBY DOO
Re roo!
Chucky smirks as he pulls a Scooby Snack out of his front pocket.
CHUCKY
Really...
HANNAH MONTANA
CHARLES LEE RAY! You know better!
Chucky quickly puts the Scooby Snack away before Scooby and Shaggy can see it.
CHUCKY
Fuck! What'd I do?!
HANNAH MONTANA
Scooby, Shaggy...why don't you tell us why you're here?
SHAGGY
Because we're cowards...
SCOOBY DOO
Rowards...
SHAGGY
We just want to learn to be heroic like Fred!
SCOOBY DOO
Reroic!
SHAGGY
Or well-dressed like Daffney!
SCOOBY DOO
Rexy!
SHAGGY
Or smart like Velma!
SCOOBY DOO
Rart!
HANNAH MONTANA
Thank you, guys! It's great having you here!
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
Those two are fucking idiots! Wow! And as I sat there, looking around at the surround crowd of retards, I found myself drawn to something...something mesmorizing. Perfection, it really was. Out of everything I've seen in my life, this could possibly top...
HANNAH MONTANA
YOSHIRU! What'd I tell you about staring at my chest?!
YOSHIRU LONG
Damn! Sorry.
HANNAH MONTANA
Alright. It's getting late. Why don't I show you your rooms.
The group all stand and follow Hannah upstairs. They stop at the first room. Hannah opens the door to a run down looking room with two beds.
HANNAH MONTANA
Rabbit, Chucky...this will be your room.
CHUCKY
Fuck that! Why do I have to room with this fluffy piece of shit?!
HANNAH MONTANA
Two words...court mandated. Because of the ankle bracelets, you'll have to be in this room.
Chucky and the Rabbit enter the room. Hannah leads the rest of the group to the next room. She opens the door.
HANNAH MONTANA
Cookie, *CENSORED*, this is your room.
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Cookie Monster like!
Cookie Monster and *CENSORED* enter the room. Hannah leads the other five to the next room.
HANNAH MONTANA
Yoshiru, Bruce, this will be your room.
YOSHIRU LONG
Really? I'm stuck with the bat?
HANNAH MONTANA
You'll be fine, Yoshiru. Just get some rest.
YOSHIRU LONG
Whatever...
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
It didn't matter. I knew that once I closed my eyes...there was only one thing I would see. Something that I coveted. Something that I wanted more than anything else in the world! It was something that many men dreamed about before me, and many men would dream about after. But what can I say? That chest is amazing...and young!
Yoshiru and Batman enter the room as Hannah leads the remaining three to their room. She opens the door.
HANNAH MONTANA
Scooby, Shaggy, Chris...this will be your room.
CHRIS ROCK
I see how it is! The black man gets shit upon again! You put the black man in the room with the dog! The dog! That's fuckin' cold, bitch!
HANNAH MONTANA
Chris...language!
Chris, Shaggy, and Scooby enter the room. Hannah makes her way back downstairs.
___________________________________________________________________________________
The group slowly makes their way downstairs and to their chairs where Hannah is already waiting for them.
HANNAH MONTANA
Welcome back, group! Wait. Where's Rabbit?
SCOOBY DOO
Rut roh! Rime rared, Raggy!
SHAGGY
ZOINKS! Like, me too, Scoob!
HANNAH MONTANA
Chucky, you roomed with him. Did you see him this morning?
CHUCKY
Do you really think that I would pay attention to that fucking rabbit?! He could be dead for all I care!
SCOOBY DOO
RED?! Rabbit riz red?!
SHAGGY
Relax, Scoob. It's just a figure of speech. I'm sure Rabbit is fine.
HANNAH MONTANA
Alright group, let's go find him!
SHAGGY
Like, should we split up?!
CHRIS ROCK
Does anyone else smell somethin' burnin'?
The group get up and make their way to the kitchen area.
CHRIS ROCK
Shit, bitch! You never said nothin' about havin' our own personal cook here! I'm in the mood for some chicken...and that's what I'm smellin'!
Chris licks his lips as the group approaches the stove. A pot sits on the stove, burner on. Hannah and the group slowly approach. Chris walks over to the pot and quickly pulls off the lid.
CHRIS ROCK
Shit! That ain't no chicken! That's Rabbit!
Hannah and the rest look to see Rabbit's head boiling in the pot.
*CENSORED*
Umm, where's his body?
Chris slowly opens the oven to see a crisped body of Rabbit.
CHRIS ROCK
I think someone cooked Rabbit! What the fuck is goin' on in this house?!
BATMAN
You should be happy, Mr. Rock. From what I've seen in horror movies, the black guy always dies first.
CHRIS ROCK
OH! There it is! Discriminatin' against the black guy! You should be ashamed!
HANNAH MONTANA
Calm down, group! We have a serious situation here! This mansion is locked down for the weekend! No one gets in...no one leaves!
SHAGGY
So like...you mean that one of us, like, had to be the one to like kill Rabbit?!
HANNAH MONTANA
I'm saying that the killer is in the mansion...and will remain in the mansion through the weekend!
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
So, there was a murderer in the house. A group of eight down to seven. The Rabbit, crisped in the oven and boiled on the stove. I'm no detective...but this was definitely not the act of enraged children getting payback for their brethrens' death at this white, fluffy bastard's hands. But who could the killer be? All obvious signs point to Chucky. Chucky was roomed with Rabbit. Chucky himself is an admitted killer. But sometimes there's more than meets the eye. The Cookie Monster is a cookie tweaker. Being banned from eating cookies while at this support group could have driven him over the edge. The big, blue guy appears to be very capable of murder. Then again, Chris appears to be an angry person. He may be scrawny, but he's black...so he's more capable than most of murder! *CENSORED* in my opinion has the biggest inspiration to commit murder. Every other person that is here for the support group, they all have better lives than him! He makes pathetic look Elite! Then again, Batman may be the killer. Enough frustration from not catching the Joker, and he's bound to snap! Now that I think about it, that idiot kid and his stupid dog could be the killers! Yeah! Put on a front like they're retarded, then turn around and kill the Rabbit! It's brilliant!
HANNAH MONTANA
I'm sorry. We're going to have to cancel today's session.
The members of the group continue to look at the roasting Rabbit in horror as Yoshiru taps on the Cookie Monster's shoulder. He signals for the Cookie Monster to follow him. Cookie Monster follows Yoshiru in to another room.
YOSHIRU LONG
Cookie, we have a killer on our hands. Now tell me something...how do I know that you're not the killer?
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Me Cookie Monster. Me no kill!
YOSHIRU LONG
But how do I know?
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Cookie Monster eat cookie. Cookie Monster no eat Rabbit!
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
I'm not sure why, but I was inclined to believe him. Maybe it's because a his intelligence level was lower than the likes of Britney Spears, the monkey that they used to test heroin on, and that Nationwide Insurance guy. Whatever the reason, I was positive that he couldn't be the killer.
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Cookie Monster good?
YOSHIRU LONG
Yes, yes. Cookie Monster good. I'm sorry that I thought you could have been the killer. But can you do me a favor, Cookmeister?
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Cookie Monster help?
YOSHIRU LONG
Yes, Cookie Monster help. Can you have that tall, lanky motherfucker and that flea bag to come here?
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Cookie Monster do!
The Cookie Monster runs off. Moments later, Scooby and Shaggy cautiously enter the room.
SHAGGY
You...you wanted to see us?
SCOOBY DOO
Raggy, riz re roing ru rill rus?
SHAGGY
Like, I don't know, Scoobs! He looks like he could kill someone!
YOSHIRU LONG
I'm not the killer, guys...and neither are you. But you two have experience with being detectives. So, I need your help.
SCOOBY DOO
Rus?
YOSHIRU LONG
We're going to find out who killed the Rabbit.
SCOOBY DOO
Rut rif rare's roasts, Raggy?
SHAGGY
Scoobs, we're trying to become more heroic...this could be the first step.
SCOOBY DOO
Rear rying ru re rexy ru, rut ru ron't re rus raring rinrerie rand role rancing!
YOSHIRU LONG
Okay...I'm not sure exactly what he said...but I swear it was something about wearing lingerie and pole dancing...
SHAGGY
Like, that's what it sounded like to me too. We'll help you, hippy-man!
YOSHIRU LONG
It's Yoshiru. Get it right or you may find your little doggy served as a three course meal!
SHAGGY
Sorry, Yoshiru. We'll help.
YOSHIRU LONG
Good. Let's search for clues!
The group make their way upstairs and in to Chucky's room.[/u]
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
We knew that the murder had happened after The Rabbit was in his room, most likely asleep. The most likely scenario is that the killer entered the room and physically removed the Rabbit.
The group looks around the room. Shaggy lifts Chucky's mattress. Underneath the mattress is a stash of butcher knives.
SHAGGY
Yoshiru! I think I found a clue!
Yoshiru turns his attention to the mattress.
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
I liked Chucky. He was a little foul mouthed bastard that would definitely stab you in the back. But the facts don't lie. The Rabbit was decapitated, and a butcher's knife easily could have been what caused the separation. Chucky had to be the killer...and it was time to reveal him for the murderer that he was.
YOSHIRU LONG
Good job, Shag! Let's find the others and call a group meeting!
Yoshiru leads Shaggy and Scooby downstairs. They find the rest of the group in the kitchen, and Yoshiru approaches Hannah, whispering something in to her ear.
HANNAH MONTANA
Group, Yoshiru would like us all to join him, Shaggy, and Scooby in the dining room... CHRIS!
Chris quickly turns his attention to Hannah, the Rabbit's head in his hands as he bites off a piece of the face.
CHRIS ROCK
What woman?!
HANNAH MONTANA
You're eating the Rabbit's head!
CHRIS ROCK
I know, bitch! I was hungry! And this Rabbit is finger-lickin' good!
HANNAH MONTANA
Put the head down and join us in the dining room!
Chris takes one last bite before setting the head back in the pot on the stove. The group make their way to the dining room and seat themselves.
YOSHIRU LONG
Myself, Shaggy, and Scooby have found evidence proving who killed the Rabbit! It should have been obvious from the start. There is only one person capable of such a vile act! And the killer is...CHUCKY!!!
All of the group looks toward Chucky who has a smirk on his face.
CHUCKY
Fuck you, bitch! I may have been a killer in the past, but I have been reformed!
YOSHIRU LONG
Chucky, Chucky, Chucky. Who are you trying to fool? We found the bloody butcher's knife under your mattress!
SCOOBY DOO
Rucky's a rad roll!
CHUCKY
Dog, if you say one more word...I am going to rip off your fucking head and shove it up your ass!
YOSHIRU LONG
Just admit it, Chucky. You're the killer!
CHUCKY
Because of a bloody fucking knife?! Did you look in my closet?! Did you see the shredded goat?!
YOSHIRU LONG
Umm...what?
CHUCKY
It's part of my treatment. Whenever I feel the urge to kill, I'm supposed to take out my frustrations on a goat!
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
I'm not completely convinced that Chucky didn't kill the Rabbit...but I guess it is possible that he's telling the truth. I will get to the bottom of this mystery. I do find myself wondering if they're real or not. I mean, they look real. I've inspected them closely, and I have yet to see a flaw in them. Rabbit's head may have been finger-lickin' good for Chris, but I'd take a lick at those over Rabbit's head any day! Even when they're not around, I picture them bouncing up and down, up and down...mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm!
WOMAN'S VOICE
Yoshiru... YOSHIRU!
Yoshiru opens his eyes to see a group of women sitting is folding chairs around him.
YOSHIRU LONG
What?
TARA
We're out of time, Yoshiru. We're going to have to pick up next week. I'd just like to thank all of you for coming today, and remember, stay strong and you can survive anything!
The members of the group stand and make their way out of the building. Trent approaches Tara.
TRENT NELSON
So, what do you think?
TARA
I'm not sure, Trent. He told the group a story which was obviously ficticious. A murder mystery involving the likes of The Cookie Monster, Chucky the killer doll, and Batman as well as out fictional and non-fictional characters.
TRENT NELSON
So, you're unsure?
TARA
Look Trent...it's possible that Yoshiru was raped. But it's hard to tell at this point. I can tell you that Yoshiru has suffered a recent traumatic event. Bring him in next week, and I'll see if I can find out what is truly going on.
Trent shakes Tara's hand and makes his way out of the building.
___________________________________________________________________________________
As it began, so it shall end. Through the eyes of hatred I have seen many doors open and close. I have stared the demons in the eyes and smiled at their destruction they have unleashed upon this Earth. I have witnessed angels fall at the hands of demons, their fate executed by the vile creatures that creep upon the Earth. For years I have roamed the Earth along with these creatures of the shadows. Watching their every move. Basking in their deliverance of suffering.
It began with Mariano...
Do you remember? When I arrived in PCW, it was you who I had my first match against. Similar to CWF...the rivalry continued. The most noble of heroes against the most vile of villains. Could you ask for anything better? In the past, I have always looked at my biggest adversary as being Magnus Thunder. Powerful, feared...a man of complete faith. A perfect opposite to the likes of Blood. To the likes of a man who stood for evil. He was consumed by darkness. But...Blood is dead. He no longer exists. He is but a mere figment of my past. With the rebirth of a man such as Yoshiru, a new adversary needed to arrive. That adversary is Mariano Fernandez. A man who embraces his peasant followers. A man who has a heart. A man who ultimately believes that everything has some sort of good in it.
But there is no good in this heart...
I could care less about those peasants that you embrace. I could care less about you. This Mariano, this is about competition. This is about proving that you are better than everybody else! For four months, I was the World Heavyweight Champion! Four months! I was the longest reigning World Heavyweight Champion. For four months, I proved why I was better than everyone else! For four months I competed in match after match while you...well...you spent most of that four months sitting at home. But I couldn't blame you. After being defeated time after time after time after time after time, who could blame you for tucking tail and running?
Time to quit running, rat...
One final time, Mariano. One final match. You couldn't leave well enough alone...and now, now our time is about to come to an end. It couldn't be more fitting. Regardless of how I feel about you, Mariano...I have to admit, you are one of the greatest superstars that I have ever had the honor of facing in the ring. But I still don't like you. You and me, we follow different paths. You're the type of person that works hard, doesn't take shortcuts, and that believes in the end...he will get whatever he deserves. I'm the type of person that manipulates, cheats, and that believes in the end...I will take whatever I deserve! Mariano, Cataclysm will be our final battle. It will be one for the ages. And when all is said and done, you'll realize that...
Yoshiru, Hannah Montana, The Cookie Monster, Chucky, Batman, The Trix Rabbit, Shaggy, Scooby, Chris Rock, and *CENSORED* all sit in chairs forming a circle around an old artesian rug.
HANNAH MONTANA
Welcome to the support group. For those of who don't know who I am, my name is Hannah Montana. And after years of having my own television show and becoming a success in the music industry, I have decided to help others by forming a support group for those in need. Now, unlike most support groups, this isn't just about alcoholics or drug addicts...this support group is to help with addictions and obsessions. With that said, why don't we go around the room and tell the rest of the group a little bit about ourselves. Batman, why don't we start with you.
BATMAN
Hello everyone...my name is Batman.
HANNAH MONTANA
Real name, please.
BATMAN
But that's private.
HANNAH MONTANA
If you want help, Bruce...you'll need to tell everyone your real name.
BATMAN
FINE! My name is Bruce Wayne. I fight crime in Gotham City.
HANNAH MONTANA
And why don't you tell everyone what your obsession is.
BATMAN
Gotham has been plagued by this Joker. For years I have tried to apprehend him, but he always manages to get away!
HANNAH MONTANA
It's never good to be obsessed, Bruce. Anyways, let's carry on. Cookie, why don't you go next.
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Me Cookie Monster. Me live Seseme Street. Me want cookie! Me want cookie! Me want cookie!
HANNAH MONTANA
Alright...alright! Calm down, Cookie. That was great! Chris, your turn.
CHRIS ROCK
My name is Chris Rock. I'm an actor. Umm, my obsession would be that I don't get the respect that I deserve!
HANNAH MONTANA
Very good, Chris! You shouldn't care if there isn't a single person who can remember a single movie you've been in! You're a great person, Chris...and that's what matters! Let's see here. Yoshiru, let's have you go next.
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
I wasn't sure why I decided to join this support group. I'm stuck in this mansion with a bunch of losers. I mean, come on. Batman?! The Cookie Monster?! And Chris Rock...I never even knew he was an actor! But man is he black. Like somebody put him in the oven and burnt him! Wait...they may be a bit racist...ah, who the hell cares?! I'm not speaking out loud! At least there's one good thing about this support group. That chick running this thing, she's kind of hot. Nice chest too! Very nice chest!
HANNAH MONTANA
Yoshiru? Yoshiru! YOSHIRU! Hey, those things you're staring at...they're not my eyes!
YOSHIRU LONG
I'm sorry. I was spacing out. My name is Yoshiru Long. I'm from Tokyo, Japan...and I am a professional wrestler. I wouldn't say that I have any addictions, but I feel that I need this support group to help with my obsession. I am obsessed with being the World Heavyweight Champion.
HANNAH MONTANA
Good job, Yoshiru! Now, as long as we can keep those eyes of yours off of my chest, we'll be just fine! Rabbit, why don't you go next.
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
This rabbit looks like a douche. All white and fluffy. I knew I had seen him somewhere before, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
THE RABBIT
My name is Rabbit, and I am obsessed with Trix cereal!
HANNAH MONTANA
Silly Rabbit, tell them the rest...
THE RABBIT
Alright. I am here under court mandate. I was trying to steal some Trix when I was busted by a group of kids...so to keep from getting caught, I broke each of their little necks.
HANNAH MONTANA
There...now don't you feel better? Chucky, your turn.
CHUCKY
Hi! I'm Chucky! And I'll be your friend 'til the end!
HANNAH MONTANA
Chucky...
CHUCKY
I'm just messin' around. Can't you take a joke? My name is Chucky and, well, I'm a killer doll.
HANNAH MONTANA
And of course, your treatment here has been mandated as well. *CENSORED*, why don't we hear from you...
*CENSORED*
My name is *CENSORED*, and I'm a car dealer. But I've been wanting a change in careers. My obsession is trying to become a wrestler.
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
His obsession should be to become a better salesman, because a wrestling career just would not work for him. But of course, I already explained that to him. I must admit though, out of all of the people here, he probably needs the support group the most. *CENSORED* is the definition of loser.
HANNAH MONTANA
Thank you, *CENSORED*! Scoob, Shag, you're up!
SHAGGY
Lik, my name's Shaggy, and this is my best bud Scoob!
SCOOBY DOO
Rank roo, Raggy!
SHAGGY
My passion is food...doesn't matter what kind, as long as it's like...food!
SCOOBY DOO
Rot rogs... Ricken... Rie... Rickles... Rizza... rand ry ravorite...Rooby Racks!!!
SHAGGY
Like, I would kill for a Scooby Snack!
SCOOBY DOO
Re roo!
Chucky smirks as he pulls a Scooby Snack out of his front pocket.
CHUCKY
Really...
HANNAH MONTANA
CHARLES LEE RAY! You know better!
Chucky quickly puts the Scooby Snack away before Scooby and Shaggy can see it.
CHUCKY
Fuck! What'd I do?!
HANNAH MONTANA
Scooby, Shaggy...why don't you tell us why you're here?
SHAGGY
Because we're cowards...
SCOOBY DOO
Rowards...
SHAGGY
We just want to learn to be heroic like Fred!
SCOOBY DOO
Reroic!
SHAGGY
Or well-dressed like Daffney!
SCOOBY DOO
Rexy!
SHAGGY
Or smart like Velma!
SCOOBY DOO
Rart!
HANNAH MONTANA
Thank you, guys! It's great having you here!
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
Those two are fucking idiots! Wow! And as I sat there, looking around at the surround crowd of retards, I found myself drawn to something...something mesmorizing. Perfection, it really was. Out of everything I've seen in my life, this could possibly top...
HANNAH MONTANA
YOSHIRU! What'd I tell you about staring at my chest?!
YOSHIRU LONG
Damn! Sorry.
HANNAH MONTANA
Alright. It's getting late. Why don't I show you your rooms.
The group all stand and follow Hannah upstairs. They stop at the first room. Hannah opens the door to a run down looking room with two beds.
HANNAH MONTANA
Rabbit, Chucky...this will be your room.
CHUCKY
Fuck that! Why do I have to room with this fluffy piece of shit?!
HANNAH MONTANA
Two words...court mandated. Because of the ankle bracelets, you'll have to be in this room.
Chucky and the Rabbit enter the room. Hannah leads the rest of the group to the next room. She opens the door.
HANNAH MONTANA
Cookie, *CENSORED*, this is your room.
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Cookie Monster like!
Cookie Monster and *CENSORED* enter the room. Hannah leads the other five to the next room.
HANNAH MONTANA
Yoshiru, Bruce, this will be your room.
YOSHIRU LONG
Really? I'm stuck with the bat?
HANNAH MONTANA
You'll be fine, Yoshiru. Just get some rest.
YOSHIRU LONG
Whatever...
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
It didn't matter. I knew that once I closed my eyes...there was only one thing I would see. Something that I coveted. Something that I wanted more than anything else in the world! It was something that many men dreamed about before me, and many men would dream about after. But what can I say? That chest is amazing...and young!
Yoshiru and Batman enter the room as Hannah leads the remaining three to their room. She opens the door.
HANNAH MONTANA
Scooby, Shaggy, Chris...this will be your room.
CHRIS ROCK
I see how it is! The black man gets shit upon again! You put the black man in the room with the dog! The dog! That's fuckin' cold, bitch!
HANNAH MONTANA
Chris...language!
Chris, Shaggy, and Scooby enter the room. Hannah makes her way back downstairs.
___________________________________________________________________________________
The group slowly makes their way downstairs and to their chairs where Hannah is already waiting for them.
HANNAH MONTANA
Welcome back, group! Wait. Where's Rabbit?
SCOOBY DOO
Rut roh! Rime rared, Raggy!
SHAGGY
ZOINKS! Like, me too, Scoob!
HANNAH MONTANA
Chucky, you roomed with him. Did you see him this morning?
CHUCKY
Do you really think that I would pay attention to that fucking rabbit?! He could be dead for all I care!
SCOOBY DOO
RED?! Rabbit riz red?!
SHAGGY
Relax, Scoob. It's just a figure of speech. I'm sure Rabbit is fine.
HANNAH MONTANA
Alright group, let's go find him!
SHAGGY
Like, should we split up?!
CHRIS ROCK
Does anyone else smell somethin' burnin'?
The group get up and make their way to the kitchen area.
CHRIS ROCK
Shit, bitch! You never said nothin' about havin' our own personal cook here! I'm in the mood for some chicken...and that's what I'm smellin'!
Chris licks his lips as the group approaches the stove. A pot sits on the stove, burner on. Hannah and the group slowly approach. Chris walks over to the pot and quickly pulls off the lid.
CHRIS ROCK
Shit! That ain't no chicken! That's Rabbit!
Hannah and the rest look to see Rabbit's head boiling in the pot.
*CENSORED*
Umm, where's his body?
Chris slowly opens the oven to see a crisped body of Rabbit.
CHRIS ROCK
I think someone cooked Rabbit! What the fuck is goin' on in this house?!
BATMAN
You should be happy, Mr. Rock. From what I've seen in horror movies, the black guy always dies first.
CHRIS ROCK
OH! There it is! Discriminatin' against the black guy! You should be ashamed!
HANNAH MONTANA
Calm down, group! We have a serious situation here! This mansion is locked down for the weekend! No one gets in...no one leaves!
SHAGGY
So like...you mean that one of us, like, had to be the one to like kill Rabbit?!
HANNAH MONTANA
I'm saying that the killer is in the mansion...and will remain in the mansion through the weekend!
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
So, there was a murderer in the house. A group of eight down to seven. The Rabbit, crisped in the oven and boiled on the stove. I'm no detective...but this was definitely not the act of enraged children getting payback for their brethrens' death at this white, fluffy bastard's hands. But who could the killer be? All obvious signs point to Chucky. Chucky was roomed with Rabbit. Chucky himself is an admitted killer. But sometimes there's more than meets the eye. The Cookie Monster is a cookie tweaker. Being banned from eating cookies while at this support group could have driven him over the edge. The big, blue guy appears to be very capable of murder. Then again, Chris appears to be an angry person. He may be scrawny, but he's black...so he's more capable than most of murder! *CENSORED* in my opinion has the biggest inspiration to commit murder. Every other person that is here for the support group, they all have better lives than him! He makes pathetic look Elite! Then again, Batman may be the killer. Enough frustration from not catching the Joker, and he's bound to snap! Now that I think about it, that idiot kid and his stupid dog could be the killers! Yeah! Put on a front like they're retarded, then turn around and kill the Rabbit! It's brilliant!
HANNAH MONTANA
I'm sorry. We're going to have to cancel today's session.
The members of the group continue to look at the roasting Rabbit in horror as Yoshiru taps on the Cookie Monster's shoulder. He signals for the Cookie Monster to follow him. Cookie Monster follows Yoshiru in to another room.
YOSHIRU LONG
Cookie, we have a killer on our hands. Now tell me something...how do I know that you're not the killer?
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Me Cookie Monster. Me no kill!
YOSHIRU LONG
But how do I know?
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Cookie Monster eat cookie. Cookie Monster no eat Rabbit!
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
I'm not sure why, but I was inclined to believe him. Maybe it's because a his intelligence level was lower than the likes of Britney Spears, the monkey that they used to test heroin on, and that Nationwide Insurance guy. Whatever the reason, I was positive that he couldn't be the killer.
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Cookie Monster good?
YOSHIRU LONG
Yes, yes. Cookie Monster good. I'm sorry that I thought you could have been the killer. But can you do me a favor, Cookmeister?
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Cookie Monster help?
YOSHIRU LONG
Yes, Cookie Monster help. Can you have that tall, lanky motherfucker and that flea bag to come here?
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Cookie Monster do!
The Cookie Monster runs off. Moments later, Scooby and Shaggy cautiously enter the room.
SHAGGY
You...you wanted to see us?
SCOOBY DOO
Raggy, riz re roing ru rill rus?
SHAGGY
Like, I don't know, Scoobs! He looks like he could kill someone!
YOSHIRU LONG
I'm not the killer, guys...and neither are you. But you two have experience with being detectives. So, I need your help.
SCOOBY DOO
Rus?
YOSHIRU LONG
We're going to find out who killed the Rabbit.
SCOOBY DOO
Rut rif rare's roasts, Raggy?
SHAGGY
Scoobs, we're trying to become more heroic...this could be the first step.
SCOOBY DOO
Rear rying ru re rexy ru, rut ru ron't re rus raring rinrerie rand role rancing!
YOSHIRU LONG
Okay...I'm not sure exactly what he said...but I swear it was something about wearing lingerie and pole dancing...
SHAGGY
Like, that's what it sounded like to me too. We'll help you, hippy-man!
YOSHIRU LONG
It's Yoshiru. Get it right or you may find your little doggy served as a three course meal!
SHAGGY
Sorry, Yoshiru. We'll help.
YOSHIRU LONG
Good. Let's search for clues!
The group make their way upstairs and in to Chucky's room.[/u]
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
We knew that the murder had happened after The Rabbit was in his room, most likely asleep. The most likely scenario is that the killer entered the room and physically removed the Rabbit.
The group looks around the room. Shaggy lifts Chucky's mattress. Underneath the mattress is a stash of butcher knives.
SHAGGY
Yoshiru! I think I found a clue!
Yoshiru turns his attention to the mattress.
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
I liked Chucky. He was a little foul mouthed bastard that would definitely stab you in the back. But the facts don't lie. The Rabbit was decapitated, and a butcher's knife easily could have been what caused the separation. Chucky had to be the killer...and it was time to reveal him for the murderer that he was.
YOSHIRU LONG
Good job, Shag! Let's find the others and call a group meeting!
Yoshiru leads Shaggy and Scooby downstairs. They find the rest of the group in the kitchen, and Yoshiru approaches Hannah, whispering something in to her ear.
HANNAH MONTANA
Group, Yoshiru would like us all to join him, Shaggy, and Scooby in the dining room... CHRIS!
Chris quickly turns his attention to Hannah, the Rabbit's head in his hands as he bites off a piece of the face.
CHRIS ROCK
What woman?!
HANNAH MONTANA
You're eating the Rabbit's head!
CHRIS ROCK
I know, bitch! I was hungry! And this Rabbit is finger-lickin' good!
HANNAH MONTANA
Put the head down and join us in the dining room!
Chris takes one last bite before setting the head back in the pot on the stove. The group make their way to the dining room and seat themselves.
YOSHIRU LONG
Myself, Shaggy, and Scooby have found evidence proving who killed the Rabbit! It should have been obvious from the start. There is only one person capable of such a vile act! And the killer is...CHUCKY!!!
All of the group looks toward Chucky who has a smirk on his face.
CHUCKY
Fuck you, bitch! I may have been a killer in the past, but I have been reformed!
YOSHIRU LONG
Chucky, Chucky, Chucky. Who are you trying to fool? We found the bloody butcher's knife under your mattress!
SCOOBY DOO
Rucky's a rad roll!
CHUCKY
Dog, if you say one more word...I am going to rip off your fucking head and shove it up your ass!
YOSHIRU LONG
Just admit it, Chucky. You're the killer!
CHUCKY
Because of a bloody fucking knife?! Did you look in my closet?! Did you see the shredded goat?!
YOSHIRU LONG
Umm...what?
CHUCKY
It's part of my treatment. Whenever I feel the urge to kill, I'm supposed to take out my frustrations on a goat!
YOSHIRU LONG (THINKING TO HIMSELF)
I'm not completely convinced that Chucky didn't kill the Rabbit...but I guess it is possible that he's telling the truth. I will get to the bottom of this mystery. I do find myself wondering if they're real or not. I mean, they look real. I've inspected them closely, and I have yet to see a flaw in them. Rabbit's head may have been finger-lickin' good for Chris, but I'd take a lick at those over Rabbit's head any day! Even when they're not around, I picture them bouncing up and down, up and down...mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm!
WOMAN'S VOICE
Yoshiru... YOSHIRU!
Yoshiru opens his eyes to see a group of women sitting is folding chairs around him.
YOSHIRU LONG
What?
TARA
We're out of time, Yoshiru. We're going to have to pick up next week. I'd just like to thank all of you for coming today, and remember, stay strong and you can survive anything!
The members of the group stand and make their way out of the building. Trent approaches Tara.
TRENT NELSON
So, what do you think?
TARA
I'm not sure, Trent. He told the group a story which was obviously ficticious. A murder mystery involving the likes of The Cookie Monster, Chucky the killer doll, and Batman as well as out fictional and non-fictional characters.
TRENT NELSON
So, you're unsure?
TARA
Look Trent...it's possible that Yoshiru was raped. But it's hard to tell at this point. I can tell you that Yoshiru has suffered a recent traumatic event. Bring him in next week, and I'll see if I can find out what is truly going on.
Trent shakes Tara's hand and makes his way out of the building.
___________________________________________________________________________________
As it began, so it shall end. Through the eyes of hatred I have seen many doors open and close. I have stared the demons in the eyes and smiled at their destruction they have unleashed upon this Earth. I have witnessed angels fall at the hands of demons, their fate executed by the vile creatures that creep upon the Earth. For years I have roamed the Earth along with these creatures of the shadows. Watching their every move. Basking in their deliverance of suffering.
It began with Mariano...
Do you remember? When I arrived in PCW, it was you who I had my first match against. Similar to CWF...the rivalry continued. The most noble of heroes against the most vile of villains. Could you ask for anything better? In the past, I have always looked at my biggest adversary as being Magnus Thunder. Powerful, feared...a man of complete faith. A perfect opposite to the likes of Blood. To the likes of a man who stood for evil. He was consumed by darkness. But...Blood is dead. He no longer exists. He is but a mere figment of my past. With the rebirth of a man such as Yoshiru, a new adversary needed to arrive. That adversary is Mariano Fernandez. A man who embraces his peasant followers. A man who has a heart. A man who ultimately believes that everything has some sort of good in it.
But there is no good in this heart...
I could care less about those peasants that you embrace. I could care less about you. This Mariano, this is about competition. This is about proving that you are better than everybody else! For four months, I was the World Heavyweight Champion! Four months! I was the longest reigning World Heavyweight Champion. For four months, I proved why I was better than everyone else! For four months I competed in match after match while you...well...you spent most of that four months sitting at home. But I couldn't blame you. After being defeated time after time after time after time after time, who could blame you for tucking tail and running?
Time to quit running, rat...
One final time, Mariano. One final match. You couldn't leave well enough alone...and now, now our time is about to come to an end. It couldn't be more fitting. Regardless of how I feel about you, Mariano...I have to admit, you are one of the greatest superstars that I have ever had the honor of facing in the ring. But I still don't like you. You and me, we follow different paths. You're the type of person that works hard, doesn't take shortcuts, and that believes in the end...he will get whatever he deserves. I'm the type of person that manipulates, cheats, and that believes in the end...I will take whatever I deserve! Mariano, Cataclysm will be our final battle. It will be one for the ages. And when all is said and done, you'll realize that...
I'M JUST BETTER THAN YOU!
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