Post by Jakob Alexander on Nov 29, 2012 16:18:31 GMT -5
.:Opening Thought:.
The scariest part of finally getting what you want, is that you now have got something to lose.
So, I finally won. I finally got my moment. It wasn't at Honor Role four, but it was my moment nonetheless. I am the new Evolution champion and it is well deserved. I knew it was coming, after all. I knew Gun was going to wilt and fade away. Just like those in PCW's Battlefield match are going to wilt and fade away. After hearing about it, I decided it was time to reconfigure my PCW history. After all, I had only won there once and I lost twice. Technically, I lost once and decided Jay Thunder wasn't worth my time and walked out on him. I didn't leave the greatest impression on the PCW fans after Honor Role and I'm sure Marina Valdivia isn't representing THW very well over there right now anyway. It's time to show PCW what Honor and Respect mean to us over at THW.
Perhaps I should show everyone that I'm not a "man-whore" and show them why that label shouldn't be stuck with me. After all, I have a sinking feeling that I'm not good enough for anybody. Maybe that's why I have probably with women.
|Flashback to May 13th, 2000.|
I was simply lounging on my couch, napping, when somebody knocked on my door. Standing up, I rounded the corner to find the girl I was in love with, Ashley Williams, standing on my porch. Looking at her through the glass like a schmuck, I realized that I needed to open the door. Doing so and opening the screen door, we greeted one another. I had a lingering feeling in my head that I had forgotten something but Ashley was quick to remind me.
.:Ashley Williams:.
Where have you been?
I must have forgotten that we were pretty good friends too. I wanted to answer, but I couldn't.
.:Ashley Williams:.
My father died.
I continued to stare at my feet.
.:Ashley Williams:.
There was a funeral. They shot off rifles and they made speeches.
She was starting to get teary eyed and honestly, so was I. I had been with her father when he died and he made me promise something to him.
.:Ashley Williams:.
Even my teacher showed up, half the class showed up. Everyone was there, but you.
A single tear began to run down her face as I looked up into her eyes. I took my hand and wiped it away, still not knowing what to say. She didn't know the truth. Her father and I were taking a walk and we got attacked. Already being a fighter, I defended him as best I could and I got a little carried about, ending up seriously injuring the men. In the scuffle, He ended up getting stabbed and I didn't notice until the men had stumbled off. I opened my mouth to say something but it wouldn't come out.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I can't do this.
I said very quietly.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I can't do this.
Now, a tear ran down my cheek.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I'm sorry, okay.
.:Ashley Williams:.
What are you saying?
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I can't see you anymore, I can't.
The look on her face was damn near unbearable. I hated this part but I made a promise to her father. He told me that he felt that I was so dangerous, that I had to promise to stay away from her for her own safety. Ashley was trying her best not to break down and cry, I could tell. She looked as if she was going to say something, but chose to walk away instead, putting her umbrella up. I could do nothing but watch as my first love walked away from me, right in front of my very eyes. I was frozen, I couldn't move. I didn't know what to do, say, or even think. All of a sudden, she stopped and looked back at me, still teary eyed.
.:Ashley Williams:.
He made you promise, didn't he? To stay away from me, so I'd be safe.
I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell her that she was exactly right, that would destroy her. I just bit my tongue and looked at my feet. It took everything I had to do that, it really did. I wanted, so bad, to just walk over to her and take her in my arms but I made a promise. I don't make promises that I can't keep. She just turned and walked away. Slowly, I turned and walked back in my house. Shutting the door, I slumped against the door with my head down, not noticing my mother standing at the end of the hallway. I've got my back to her with my head against the door.
.:Leah Alexander:.
What a pretty girl.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Yea, her father said the same thing.
Of course, my mom didn't know her father just died nor did she know how much I was hurting on the inside.
.:Leah Alexander:.
Did you ask her out?
I couldn't answer that one so I simply shook my head "No" and banged my head against the glass.
.:Leah Alexander:.
Why?
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Can't.
.:Leah Alexander:.
Why?
Why did we have to have this conversation now.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I'm just no good for her.
I turned to face her after that one because I heard her walk up to me.
.:Leah Alexander:.
Jakob Alexander, if there is one thing you are, it's good. Anyone who has a problem with that can talk to me.
She smiled at me and walked back into the kitchen. It was that moment that I knew that I was never going to be enough for somebody. That I was never going to be exactly what she had dreamed of.
|Present Day, New York City.|
After Alessandra left for Australia, I left for New York City not soon after to prepare for PCW's Battlefield match at Struggle for Power. It has been far too long since I've stepped foot in a PCW ring and the last time I was there, I didn't leave a good impression and I plan to fix that. Sure, I can't imagine the PCW fans being too happy if a THW wrestler wins that match but I'm not there to cause problems this time. I'm there to prove that I am the best in this business today and the only way to do that is the fight the best. Right now, I'm just pacing around my hotel room, tweeting Alessandra.
"I can't help but miss you already, Alessandra. Even if you just left. "
Letting out a long sigh, I plop down on the couch and set my phone on my lap. I had decided it was time to divulge my past to her. After all, there aren't suppose to be any secrets in a relationship and she had already told me all about hers. I got a tweet back about a minute later.
"Aww. It'll be okay, Jay-Kawb. I do want to ask you something though. "
.:Jakob Alexander:.
What's that, Novakins?
I had a feeling that she was about to ask about it anyway.
"You've never told me why you thought you weren't good enough for anybody. You never said a reason why you felt that way. "
It was natural that I was reluctant to tell her. I don't like to bring it up and for good reason as well. She deserved to know, however, and I trusted her more than anybody else. So, I let it all out.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Well, there was this girl named Ashley Williams. I had gotten to be pretty good friends with her father and one night, we were out walking around, talking and what not. We got attacked, I fought them off to the best of my ability but I failed to protect him. In the scuffle, he had gotten stabbed in the stomach. The two guys ran off as I kneeled down, yelling for help as I did it. He told me I would want to get out of here, because I'd get in trouble for how violent I was towards the men but I refused. I wasn't going to leave his side, no chance. He had one last request.
I stopped for a second because it was really hard to recollect on this memory. I groaned and ran a hand down my face.
"I know this must be hard for you, Jay-Kawb, but you've got to get it out. It'll be better once it's over."
.:Jakob Alexander:.
His last request, was for me to stay away from her, for her safety. He said I was too dangerous to have around his daughter. He made me promise him that and I respected the man...so I did. It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Just thinking about that is hard for me, to be honest. I don't like bringing it up and you're the only other person that knows.
I clench my fist as a tear runs down my face. I hated talking about it, because it's the reason why I was labeled as a man whore. I always thought I was never good enough for anybody and it shows.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I think that because of that night, I've never had any sort of luck finding a long term girlfriend. I think that I was too afraid of that happening again. I respected that man, I looked up to him even. I think that when He died, a little bit of me died with him. I was unable to protect him and because of that, he's dead.
All in all, I feel responsible for it. I feel like it was my job that night to protect Ashley's dad and I didn't do it.
"Look. I know that you must feel responsible for that happening but don't. You shouldn't do that to yourself, it wasn't your fault. You did all you could've done to protect him, you're no super hero."
Unintentionally, I kinda snapped at her.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
That's the thing, there is always something more you can do, especially to save someone's life. It's MY fault that he is dead and because of that, I have been a emotional wreck when it comes to relationships. I haven't been the same since that night and it takes everything in me to not think about it every night. I lost a role model and the only best friend I've ever had that night. Don't tell me that I couldn't do anything else.
Immediately, I regretted that. She didn't deserve that at all but there was nothing I could do about it. Tapping my phone against my head, I let out a groan. It buzzed and I could tell that I upset her a little bit.
"You know, you didn't have to snap at me like that."
I restrained myself this time.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I know and I'm sorry, I really am. Don't try and tell me that there isn't anything else I could have done, when you know that there was. I wish I could've been a better fighter that night. I wish I could have done something more to help him but I didn't. I didn't know what to do and I froze. I was only 17 years old, I didn't know what to do. The sight of him bleeding with a stab wound was jsut too much for me to handle at the time and added on to that was the fact that he asked me to stay away from the first girl I was ever in love with.
I stopped, because I knew that she hated to hear about this. But, I needed to get this out.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I was burdened with those two events in a span of about three minutes and if it was anybody else, it would have destroyed them. He made me promise to be strong and to do what was right, so I did. To this day, I wish that I had broken that promise. I know that you don't like hearing about my one of my ex girlfriends but I need to get this out. I need to finally tell somebody. Despite the fact that it's not making me feel any better about it, maybe we could get through it together. I thought that maybe if you knew, you could help me get through it because honestly, I haven't been able to do it yet. That ruined me.
"You're right, I don't like hearing about it but I also know that you needed to get this out sooner or later and I'd rather it be me than someone else. "
See, I knew it.
"I know that I wasn't your first love but I'm here now and I'm trying to be your last. I may not understand everything but you can help me understand and I can help you get through whatever it is that you need me to, even this. I wish that I could do everything and help you in every single thing but I can't and I'm sorry. I can, however, be here for you. I don't know how you feel, honestly, but I am here for you. That's all I've got right now. "
I wanted to say something to her, but for some reason, I restrained. Now was not the time to tell her how I really felt about her. I only restrained because she's got her own issues to sort out and I know that I would only add on to it.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Thank you for listening, Alessandra. I can't say I feel better about it, but it's nice to know somebody is there for me when I need them to be. I've got to go to the gym, though. I have a lot of training to get to. So, with that, I hope you enjoy your flight and I will talk to you when I'm done. Do me a favor though. Give me a call when you land? Hearing your voice might make me feel better.
I wish she was here with me, right now. If there was any appropriate time for me to have the woman I love with me, now would be it.
"I will Jay-Kawb, I promise. Don't strain yourself too much. Okay?
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I won't, you have my word."
|An Hour Later, outside the gym in New York City.|
Nova had dozed off on the plane so it was time to put the work and the hours in. It's pretty cold in New York City, such the reason why I was bundled up. Wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a white hoody, I was just wandering down the block the gym was on.. I'm still not in the best of moods because of earlier and it's still lingering in my mind. I mean, Mr. Williams was like a father to me. Hell, he might as well have been my father. He was my father figure for years after my father died. Ashley and I were best friends for years upon years and over time, I had fallen in love with her. Even at seventeen, I knew that it was love. We were always there for each other, no matter what. They accepted me into their family like one of their own. Hell, we were family. You don't have to be related by blood to be family. I had fallen in love with her and despite us being around each other all the time, I couldn't muster up the courage to up and tell her. I wanted to, so bad, but I couldn't. Call it a weakness of mine back then. That was before I had any experience with women at all. I was afraid to tell her out of fear of denial. Turns out, I never got the chance to. That's what her father and I were out talking about that night. I wanted to tell him that I was in love with his daughter, because I felt like I needed his blessing or something like that. I really don't know why I decided to tell him, even to this day. But, that was the night. I was going to tell her when we got back from that walk but I never did. Her father didn't make it back, and I had promised him I'd stay away from her. I didn't know what to do anymore, from that day on. All these years of thinking that I'm never going to be good enough for anybody have definitely taken it's toll on me, that's for sure. I lean up against the stop sign at the end of the road and pull out my phone. I notice that I have a voicemail. intrigued, I call it, finding out that it's from my mom, Leah.
.:Leah Alexander:.
Jakob, I know things have been difficult lately and I'm sorry about that. I think I know what you're feeling. Ever since you were a little boy, you've been living with so many unresolved things. Well, take it from your old mom, those things send us down a road, they make us who we are and if anyone is destined for greatness, it's you son. You owe the world your gifts, you just have to figure out how to use them and know that wherever they take you, we'll always be here. So, come on home Jakob. You're my hero and I love you.
That was the spark. That is what I needed to finally set me off. I punched the stop sign and sank to my knees, pounding the dirt with my fists.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Dammit.
I slam my fist into the ground as a tear runs down my face.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
If only I were stronger, right then, when I needed it the most. WHY!
Shouting out, I slammed my fist into the ground once more as snow began to fall.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Why couldn't I be stronger!
I get myself to a kneel.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Why couldn't I save his life...Why couldn't I be what he needed me to be when he needed it the most. It's my fault that he's dead and I have no way to make it up to him now, nothing to do.
I lower my head for a second and close my eyes.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I lost the best father I ever had and it's all my fault.
I open my eyes, suddenly coming to realize something.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I'm gonna do it for him. It's not for the fans, not for my family and not even for me. I'm going to finally going to win the big match. I've been in multiple matches like this and have yet to come close to winning. This is my shot and it will all be for Mr. Williams. He deserves for me to at least try and do something to make it up to him, if anything else. It's the right thing to do, to me anyway. I owe that to him, at least. He told me to be strong that night and do what is right, and I listened. Now, I'm going to take those words to heart, to be strong and do what is right. I joined PCW just to cause problems back when the feds were warring. Now? I join them to show thme who the best really is. I didn't get to showcase my talent on the big stage at PCW. Now, in Madison Square Garden, PCW is going to see what true heart and determination looks like. Mr. Williams would have wanted it that way and he would have told me that it's what is right. I couldn't be the hero that night so, at Struggle for Power, I'm going to assume the role of the hero. Does it sound extremely cheesy? Yes, it does. Do I care? No.
I flip my hood over my head and start walking towards my gym.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
If Mr. Williams were here right now, He'd say "I need you right now" just like the THW does. They need me to show PCW what it means to take pride in your craft and in the business and not be a whiny bitch like Marina Valdivia. Those of us at THW don't whine and complain like she does. She's one of a kind. All the wrestlers in this match, they watched me when I was in PCW. You know what they watched? A distracted man, that's what. They didn't get the full experience and on Saturday, in New York City, they're getting it all.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
First off, some of the main eventers in the main. People like Danielle Lopez, Curtis Wilkes, even Synnykins. All of which have gotten a taste of the top. They've been there, they've been at the tippy top. I think it's about time somebody came in and forced his way through the ranks. It's about time somebody rose from the ashes of his PCW "career" and showed all of them what he's capable of. What they seen previously wasn't even a portion. I was giving enough effort to be able to cause a ruckus. I wasn't trying to win a title or be the best, I was causing chaos. From what I seen, it worked. Now? It's time I show them who the best is. It's time that they got the best Jakob Alexander there is to offer. I won't be coming to cause chaos or stir up trouble. I'm coming to win, just like every other person in that match is doing. The difference? Will. Heart. Drive.
That is what sets me apart from the rest. You knock me down, I'll get back up. You push me, I'll push back. PCW will learn that to keep me down, you have to make it impossible for me to get back up. If you don't, I will keep standing up and I will keep fighting. It's not over when you lose, it's over when you quit. I've been observant, PCW. I know that a good portion of your wrestlers don't have it in them to take punches and keep returning them. Most of them are content with giving a hundred percent and if they don't lose, they concede. They don't have what it takes to give an extra ten or twenty percent if that's what it takes to win. If they don't push themselves past their limits, they must not want to win very badly. What I pride myself in is the fact that I believe that I don't have a limit. When I'm at my best, I want to be even better than that. You'll never have a limit to your abilities unless you don't believe in yourself. That right there is a constraint. Not believing in yourself leads to defeat, and I refuse to have anything other than full confidence in my abilities. There is no other way to go about doing things, after all. Either you give it one hundred and ten percent, or you don't give anything at all. You go hard, or you go home. There shouldn't be any middle, fellas. If you aren't giving the world your best, what in the world are you saving it for?
You know how the old story goes, the early bird gets the worm. If you want to be successful, you've got to be the first one there and the last one to leave. You've got to push yourself to out-perform each and every person. There are people in this battlefield match that I respect a whole hell of a lot. I don't mince words either. It's either I respect you and I treat you as such, or I don't respect you and you get nothing from me. There is NEVER a middle, and there never will be. Now, there is a difference though. Some people, I respect as competitors, but not as a person. People like Syn, who is talented in the ring but has the personality of a wall. He claims that there is no way he can go back to being like the rest of us. Caring, passionate people. He's bluffing. He's given up, that's all there is. He accepted defeat instead of staring it in the face and flipping it the bird. Now, there are people like Danielle Lopez, who I respect as a wrestler and as a person. She's real, in every sense of the word. She doesn't hide herself from the fans in fear of what they'll think of her. Want to know what the problem is? She's in my way, just like the rest of you. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, PCW. I'm not in the match as a "fun" past time. I'm in the match to win, it's that simple. There will be no glass fists or monitors flying. It's me, the best, against PCW's best. Let me tell you something, my best is far better than whatever "best" they could possibly offer, even if I respect their ability. To be honest, I respect anybody who dares step foot in a ring with me. This isn't cockiness or arrogance, these are facts. I am not the person you want to piss off, I'l tell you that right now. Now, I'm not as "sadistic" as Synnykins is, but I'll enjoy every minute of breaking man's will. There is no better feeling in that ring than to know that you've won and the match isn't even over yet. It's pure intimidation value.
Madison Square Garden, New York City, Struggle for Power. Those three words are the only thing running through my head. Even the name of the match is fitting, I'm battle hardened. I am a warrior and I'd fit right in this "Battlefield" match. It plays right into my hands, after all. It's a good pay per view name, but it won't be much of a struggle. I'm going to represent True HONOR Wrestling and after that, I'm going to go on to, hopefully, face Adrien Cochrane for the PCW World Heavyweight Championship at Battle Finale.
Adrien Cochrane versus Jakob Alexander for the World Heavyweight Championship.
That main event will come to light, bank on it.
This is my chance to wipe out the red in my ledger. I'm gonna be the hero, one way or another.
END
The scariest part of finally getting what you want, is that you now have got something to lose.
So, I finally won. I finally got my moment. It wasn't at Honor Role four, but it was my moment nonetheless. I am the new Evolution champion and it is well deserved. I knew it was coming, after all. I knew Gun was going to wilt and fade away. Just like those in PCW's Battlefield match are going to wilt and fade away. After hearing about it, I decided it was time to reconfigure my PCW history. After all, I had only won there once and I lost twice. Technically, I lost once and decided Jay Thunder wasn't worth my time and walked out on him. I didn't leave the greatest impression on the PCW fans after Honor Role and I'm sure Marina Valdivia isn't representing THW very well over there right now anyway. It's time to show PCW what Honor and Respect mean to us over at THW.
Perhaps I should show everyone that I'm not a "man-whore" and show them why that label shouldn't be stuck with me. After all, I have a sinking feeling that I'm not good enough for anybody. Maybe that's why I have probably with women.
|Flashback to May 13th, 2000.|
I was simply lounging on my couch, napping, when somebody knocked on my door. Standing up, I rounded the corner to find the girl I was in love with, Ashley Williams, standing on my porch. Looking at her through the glass like a schmuck, I realized that I needed to open the door. Doing so and opening the screen door, we greeted one another. I had a lingering feeling in my head that I had forgotten something but Ashley was quick to remind me.
.:Ashley Williams:.
Where have you been?
I must have forgotten that we were pretty good friends too. I wanted to answer, but I couldn't.
.:Ashley Williams:.
My father died.
I continued to stare at my feet.
.:Ashley Williams:.
There was a funeral. They shot off rifles and they made speeches.
She was starting to get teary eyed and honestly, so was I. I had been with her father when he died and he made me promise something to him.
.:Ashley Williams:.
Even my teacher showed up, half the class showed up. Everyone was there, but you.
A single tear began to run down her face as I looked up into her eyes. I took my hand and wiped it away, still not knowing what to say. She didn't know the truth. Her father and I were taking a walk and we got attacked. Already being a fighter, I defended him as best I could and I got a little carried about, ending up seriously injuring the men. In the scuffle, He ended up getting stabbed and I didn't notice until the men had stumbled off. I opened my mouth to say something but it wouldn't come out.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I can't do this.
I said very quietly.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I can't do this.
Now, a tear ran down my cheek.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I'm sorry, okay.
.:Ashley Williams:.
What are you saying?
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I can't see you anymore, I can't.
The look on her face was damn near unbearable. I hated this part but I made a promise to her father. He told me that he felt that I was so dangerous, that I had to promise to stay away from her for her own safety. Ashley was trying her best not to break down and cry, I could tell. She looked as if she was going to say something, but chose to walk away instead, putting her umbrella up. I could do nothing but watch as my first love walked away from me, right in front of my very eyes. I was frozen, I couldn't move. I didn't know what to do, say, or even think. All of a sudden, she stopped and looked back at me, still teary eyed.
.:Ashley Williams:.
He made you promise, didn't he? To stay away from me, so I'd be safe.
I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell her that she was exactly right, that would destroy her. I just bit my tongue and looked at my feet. It took everything I had to do that, it really did. I wanted, so bad, to just walk over to her and take her in my arms but I made a promise. I don't make promises that I can't keep. She just turned and walked away. Slowly, I turned and walked back in my house. Shutting the door, I slumped against the door with my head down, not noticing my mother standing at the end of the hallway. I've got my back to her with my head against the door.
.:Leah Alexander:.
What a pretty girl.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Yea, her father said the same thing.
Of course, my mom didn't know her father just died nor did she know how much I was hurting on the inside.
.:Leah Alexander:.
Did you ask her out?
I couldn't answer that one so I simply shook my head "No" and banged my head against the glass.
.:Leah Alexander:.
Why?
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Can't.
.:Leah Alexander:.
Why?
Why did we have to have this conversation now.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I'm just no good for her.
I turned to face her after that one because I heard her walk up to me.
.:Leah Alexander:.
Jakob Alexander, if there is one thing you are, it's good. Anyone who has a problem with that can talk to me.
She smiled at me and walked back into the kitchen. It was that moment that I knew that I was never going to be enough for somebody. That I was never going to be exactly what she had dreamed of.
|Present Day, New York City.|
After Alessandra left for Australia, I left for New York City not soon after to prepare for PCW's Battlefield match at Struggle for Power. It has been far too long since I've stepped foot in a PCW ring and the last time I was there, I didn't leave a good impression and I plan to fix that. Sure, I can't imagine the PCW fans being too happy if a THW wrestler wins that match but I'm not there to cause problems this time. I'm there to prove that I am the best in this business today and the only way to do that is the fight the best. Right now, I'm just pacing around my hotel room, tweeting Alessandra.
"I can't help but miss you already, Alessandra. Even if you just left. "
Letting out a long sigh, I plop down on the couch and set my phone on my lap. I had decided it was time to divulge my past to her. After all, there aren't suppose to be any secrets in a relationship and she had already told me all about hers. I got a tweet back about a minute later.
"Aww. It'll be okay, Jay-Kawb. I do want to ask you something though. "
.:Jakob Alexander:.
What's that, Novakins?
I had a feeling that she was about to ask about it anyway.
"You've never told me why you thought you weren't good enough for anybody. You never said a reason why you felt that way. "
It was natural that I was reluctant to tell her. I don't like to bring it up and for good reason as well. She deserved to know, however, and I trusted her more than anybody else. So, I let it all out.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Well, there was this girl named Ashley Williams. I had gotten to be pretty good friends with her father and one night, we were out walking around, talking and what not. We got attacked, I fought them off to the best of my ability but I failed to protect him. In the scuffle, he had gotten stabbed in the stomach. The two guys ran off as I kneeled down, yelling for help as I did it. He told me I would want to get out of here, because I'd get in trouble for how violent I was towards the men but I refused. I wasn't going to leave his side, no chance. He had one last request.
I stopped for a second because it was really hard to recollect on this memory. I groaned and ran a hand down my face.
"I know this must be hard for you, Jay-Kawb, but you've got to get it out. It'll be better once it's over."
.:Jakob Alexander:.
His last request, was for me to stay away from her, for her safety. He said I was too dangerous to have around his daughter. He made me promise him that and I respected the man...so I did. It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Just thinking about that is hard for me, to be honest. I don't like bringing it up and you're the only other person that knows.
I clench my fist as a tear runs down my face. I hated talking about it, because it's the reason why I was labeled as a man whore. I always thought I was never good enough for anybody and it shows.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I think that because of that night, I've never had any sort of luck finding a long term girlfriend. I think that I was too afraid of that happening again. I respected that man, I looked up to him even. I think that when He died, a little bit of me died with him. I was unable to protect him and because of that, he's dead.
All in all, I feel responsible for it. I feel like it was my job that night to protect Ashley's dad and I didn't do it.
"Look. I know that you must feel responsible for that happening but don't. You shouldn't do that to yourself, it wasn't your fault. You did all you could've done to protect him, you're no super hero."
Unintentionally, I kinda snapped at her.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
That's the thing, there is always something more you can do, especially to save someone's life. It's MY fault that he is dead and because of that, I have been a emotional wreck when it comes to relationships. I haven't been the same since that night and it takes everything in me to not think about it every night. I lost a role model and the only best friend I've ever had that night. Don't tell me that I couldn't do anything else.
Immediately, I regretted that. She didn't deserve that at all but there was nothing I could do about it. Tapping my phone against my head, I let out a groan. It buzzed and I could tell that I upset her a little bit.
"You know, you didn't have to snap at me like that."
I restrained myself this time.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I know and I'm sorry, I really am. Don't try and tell me that there isn't anything else I could have done, when you know that there was. I wish I could've been a better fighter that night. I wish I could have done something more to help him but I didn't. I didn't know what to do and I froze. I was only 17 years old, I didn't know what to do. The sight of him bleeding with a stab wound was jsut too much for me to handle at the time and added on to that was the fact that he asked me to stay away from the first girl I was ever in love with.
I stopped, because I knew that she hated to hear about this. But, I needed to get this out.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I was burdened with those two events in a span of about three minutes and if it was anybody else, it would have destroyed them. He made me promise to be strong and to do what was right, so I did. To this day, I wish that I had broken that promise. I know that you don't like hearing about my one of my ex girlfriends but I need to get this out. I need to finally tell somebody. Despite the fact that it's not making me feel any better about it, maybe we could get through it together. I thought that maybe if you knew, you could help me get through it because honestly, I haven't been able to do it yet. That ruined me.
"You're right, I don't like hearing about it but I also know that you needed to get this out sooner or later and I'd rather it be me than someone else. "
See, I knew it.
"I know that I wasn't your first love but I'm here now and I'm trying to be your last. I may not understand everything but you can help me understand and I can help you get through whatever it is that you need me to, even this. I wish that I could do everything and help you in every single thing but I can't and I'm sorry. I can, however, be here for you. I don't know how you feel, honestly, but I am here for you. That's all I've got right now. "
I wanted to say something to her, but for some reason, I restrained. Now was not the time to tell her how I really felt about her. I only restrained because she's got her own issues to sort out and I know that I would only add on to it.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Thank you for listening, Alessandra. I can't say I feel better about it, but it's nice to know somebody is there for me when I need them to be. I've got to go to the gym, though. I have a lot of training to get to. So, with that, I hope you enjoy your flight and I will talk to you when I'm done. Do me a favor though. Give me a call when you land? Hearing your voice might make me feel better.
I wish she was here with me, right now. If there was any appropriate time for me to have the woman I love with me, now would be it.
"I will Jay-Kawb, I promise. Don't strain yourself too much. Okay?
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I won't, you have my word."
|An Hour Later, outside the gym in New York City.|
Nova had dozed off on the plane so it was time to put the work and the hours in. It's pretty cold in New York City, such the reason why I was bundled up. Wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a white hoody, I was just wandering down the block the gym was on.. I'm still not in the best of moods because of earlier and it's still lingering in my mind. I mean, Mr. Williams was like a father to me. Hell, he might as well have been my father. He was my father figure for years after my father died. Ashley and I were best friends for years upon years and over time, I had fallen in love with her. Even at seventeen, I knew that it was love. We were always there for each other, no matter what. They accepted me into their family like one of their own. Hell, we were family. You don't have to be related by blood to be family. I had fallen in love with her and despite us being around each other all the time, I couldn't muster up the courage to up and tell her. I wanted to, so bad, but I couldn't. Call it a weakness of mine back then. That was before I had any experience with women at all. I was afraid to tell her out of fear of denial. Turns out, I never got the chance to. That's what her father and I were out talking about that night. I wanted to tell him that I was in love with his daughter, because I felt like I needed his blessing or something like that. I really don't know why I decided to tell him, even to this day. But, that was the night. I was going to tell her when we got back from that walk but I never did. Her father didn't make it back, and I had promised him I'd stay away from her. I didn't know what to do anymore, from that day on. All these years of thinking that I'm never going to be good enough for anybody have definitely taken it's toll on me, that's for sure. I lean up against the stop sign at the end of the road and pull out my phone. I notice that I have a voicemail. intrigued, I call it, finding out that it's from my mom, Leah.
.:Leah Alexander:.
Jakob, I know things have been difficult lately and I'm sorry about that. I think I know what you're feeling. Ever since you were a little boy, you've been living with so many unresolved things. Well, take it from your old mom, those things send us down a road, they make us who we are and if anyone is destined for greatness, it's you son. You owe the world your gifts, you just have to figure out how to use them and know that wherever they take you, we'll always be here. So, come on home Jakob. You're my hero and I love you.
That was the spark. That is what I needed to finally set me off. I punched the stop sign and sank to my knees, pounding the dirt with my fists.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Dammit.
I slam my fist into the ground as a tear runs down my face.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
If only I were stronger, right then, when I needed it the most. WHY!
Shouting out, I slammed my fist into the ground once more as snow began to fall.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Why couldn't I be stronger!
I get myself to a kneel.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
Why couldn't I save his life...Why couldn't I be what he needed me to be when he needed it the most. It's my fault that he's dead and I have no way to make it up to him now, nothing to do.
I lower my head for a second and close my eyes.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I lost the best father I ever had and it's all my fault.
I open my eyes, suddenly coming to realize something.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
I'm gonna do it for him. It's not for the fans, not for my family and not even for me. I'm going to finally going to win the big match. I've been in multiple matches like this and have yet to come close to winning. This is my shot and it will all be for Mr. Williams. He deserves for me to at least try and do something to make it up to him, if anything else. It's the right thing to do, to me anyway. I owe that to him, at least. He told me to be strong that night and do what is right, and I listened. Now, I'm going to take those words to heart, to be strong and do what is right. I joined PCW just to cause problems back when the feds were warring. Now? I join them to show thme who the best really is. I didn't get to showcase my talent on the big stage at PCW. Now, in Madison Square Garden, PCW is going to see what true heart and determination looks like. Mr. Williams would have wanted it that way and he would have told me that it's what is right. I couldn't be the hero that night so, at Struggle for Power, I'm going to assume the role of the hero. Does it sound extremely cheesy? Yes, it does. Do I care? No.
I flip my hood over my head and start walking towards my gym.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
If Mr. Williams were here right now, He'd say "I need you right now" just like the THW does. They need me to show PCW what it means to take pride in your craft and in the business and not be a whiny bitch like Marina Valdivia. Those of us at THW don't whine and complain like she does. She's one of a kind. All the wrestlers in this match, they watched me when I was in PCW. You know what they watched? A distracted man, that's what. They didn't get the full experience and on Saturday, in New York City, they're getting it all.
.:Jakob Alexander:.
First off, some of the main eventers in the main. People like Danielle Lopez, Curtis Wilkes, even Synnykins. All of which have gotten a taste of the top. They've been there, they've been at the tippy top. I think it's about time somebody came in and forced his way through the ranks. It's about time somebody rose from the ashes of his PCW "career" and showed all of them what he's capable of. What they seen previously wasn't even a portion. I was giving enough effort to be able to cause a ruckus. I wasn't trying to win a title or be the best, I was causing chaos. From what I seen, it worked. Now? It's time I show them who the best is. It's time that they got the best Jakob Alexander there is to offer. I won't be coming to cause chaos or stir up trouble. I'm coming to win, just like every other person in that match is doing. The difference? Will. Heart. Drive.
That is what sets me apart from the rest. You knock me down, I'll get back up. You push me, I'll push back. PCW will learn that to keep me down, you have to make it impossible for me to get back up. If you don't, I will keep standing up and I will keep fighting. It's not over when you lose, it's over when you quit. I've been observant, PCW. I know that a good portion of your wrestlers don't have it in them to take punches and keep returning them. Most of them are content with giving a hundred percent and if they don't lose, they concede. They don't have what it takes to give an extra ten or twenty percent if that's what it takes to win. If they don't push themselves past their limits, they must not want to win very badly. What I pride myself in is the fact that I believe that I don't have a limit. When I'm at my best, I want to be even better than that. You'll never have a limit to your abilities unless you don't believe in yourself. That right there is a constraint. Not believing in yourself leads to defeat, and I refuse to have anything other than full confidence in my abilities. There is no other way to go about doing things, after all. Either you give it one hundred and ten percent, or you don't give anything at all. You go hard, or you go home. There shouldn't be any middle, fellas. If you aren't giving the world your best, what in the world are you saving it for?
You know how the old story goes, the early bird gets the worm. If you want to be successful, you've got to be the first one there and the last one to leave. You've got to push yourself to out-perform each and every person. There are people in this battlefield match that I respect a whole hell of a lot. I don't mince words either. It's either I respect you and I treat you as such, or I don't respect you and you get nothing from me. There is NEVER a middle, and there never will be. Now, there is a difference though. Some people, I respect as competitors, but not as a person. People like Syn, who is talented in the ring but has the personality of a wall. He claims that there is no way he can go back to being like the rest of us. Caring, passionate people. He's bluffing. He's given up, that's all there is. He accepted defeat instead of staring it in the face and flipping it the bird. Now, there are people like Danielle Lopez, who I respect as a wrestler and as a person. She's real, in every sense of the word. She doesn't hide herself from the fans in fear of what they'll think of her. Want to know what the problem is? She's in my way, just like the rest of you. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, PCW. I'm not in the match as a "fun" past time. I'm in the match to win, it's that simple. There will be no glass fists or monitors flying. It's me, the best, against PCW's best. Let me tell you something, my best is far better than whatever "best" they could possibly offer, even if I respect their ability. To be honest, I respect anybody who dares step foot in a ring with me. This isn't cockiness or arrogance, these are facts. I am not the person you want to piss off, I'l tell you that right now. Now, I'm not as "sadistic" as Synnykins is, but I'll enjoy every minute of breaking man's will. There is no better feeling in that ring than to know that you've won and the match isn't even over yet. It's pure intimidation value.
Madison Square Garden, New York City, Struggle for Power. Those three words are the only thing running through my head. Even the name of the match is fitting, I'm battle hardened. I am a warrior and I'd fit right in this "Battlefield" match. It plays right into my hands, after all. It's a good pay per view name, but it won't be much of a struggle. I'm going to represent True HONOR Wrestling and after that, I'm going to go on to, hopefully, face Adrien Cochrane for the PCW World Heavyweight Championship at Battle Finale.
Adrien Cochrane versus Jakob Alexander for the World Heavyweight Championship.
That main event will come to light, bank on it.
This is my chance to wipe out the red in my ledger. I'm gonna be the hero, one way or another.
END