Post by Smith Jones on Apr 24, 2013 22:54:11 GMT -5
Smith: I just want peace.
Fade up on a shot of Notre Dame d'Auvergne Church in Pontiex, Saskatchewan. Pontiex, Saskatchewan??? Didn’t Smith tweet Syn from San Diego this morning? Didn’t they talk about meeting up for coffee?? Smith Jones has been taking random trips around the continent this week. He trained with street fighters in Mexico. He swam with the dolphins in Oahu, Hawaii. He was at the Juno Awards this past weekend in Regina giving attitude to Michael Bublé. He even visited the bombing site in Boston to pay respect to those who lost their lives and limbs and sense of safety that horrific day. And that visit to that place sent Smith Jones into a tailspin! And so, after a few restless days of wondering who and what he wants to be in the future, Smith, clean-shaven and pensive, almost looks like a tender babyface. He is moved almost to tears no matter where he goes when he thinks of those people at the Marathon and the moment their lives changed forever. He feels something for those people that he doesn’t commonly feel: compassion.
Smith Jones walks into the shot of the church in Pontiex, Saskatchewan. He’s wearing blue jeans and a gray T-shirt that says ‘#’ in the front of it in black with a big white ‘X’ over top of it, covering it almost completely. He walks quickly into the church with a sense of urgency. He walks through the foyer and down past the rows of pews, walking directly into a confessional and slamming the door!
Smith speaks up immediately, right in the middle of a thought.
Smith: That horrible image of that man with his legs blown clean off in a wheelchair while a woman pushes it and a man runs alongside him holding his arteries. If you’ve seen that image, you will never be able to unsee it. How do people who bomb shit exist?? Who the fuck does that??? Who bombs a marathon?
What kind of fucked up shit has to happen to a person to make them feel like that would be a good thing to do???
Priest: I share your struggle for meaning in all of this.
Smith: Oh, I forgot to say this – forgive me Father for I have sinned. It’s been…
Priest: It’s been…?
Smith: I’m not really Catholic. This is new to me.
Priest: That’s fine.
Smith: I have sinned, sir, but my sins are nothing compared to the sins of the guys that bombed the marathon! I call myself a #heel all the time, but compared to them, I’m a tweener at best. I wake up every day like many people in this world, put those pants on one damned leg at a time, and work my ass off in whatever way I know how to scratch out some kind of living for myself and for those who matter to me. I am respectful to those I respect and I do damage, for the most part, within the confines of the prescribed environment without much extra curricular activity. I don’t attack people much. Last Rapture was a rare occasion where I went on the attack and jumped Brian Stryker from behind!!! Well, that didn’t go very well for me at all, did it? Fucking Hano decided to show his ugly fa-… I mean MASK and get involved in my personal vendetta against Brian Stryker!!! But that’s not the best part. The BEST part was the part where I got jumped by someone I could never have seen coming. Glen Jacobs. Who?!? Why in the fuck would I expect to be demolished by a freight train in the backstage area??? But it didn’t end that night. You and your new monster have attacked me time and time again!! First, live on Rapture, then at house shows… I slipped and fell in the shower the other evening and I swear it was Glen Jacobs who did a run-in and shoved me to the wet ground!!! And even worse than all of that is the fact that Brian Stryker put his hands on my #. That does not sit well with me, motherfuckers. Hey priest!
Priest: Yes.
Smith: You ever touch someone’s #? I mean, you guys are kind of known for that kind of thing. Secret door in the confessional or something??? You like to listen to sins. How ‘bout you share some sins of your own?!?!!
Priest: That’s not how this works.
Smith: How does it work, priest. Where’s the secret door in this confessional for you to commit your most cherished of sins?
Priest: I’m going to have to ask you to be more respectful, sir!
Jones breaks out in wild laughter! He tries to see through the tight lattice, but cannot see the priest’s face. He stops laughing but keeps the smile.
Smith: Do you know who I am? Have I ever entered the ring for a match without wiping my feet on the apron even one single time??? I run on respect! I am the most respectful motherfucker you’ll find out there!!!!!!!
Priest: I can see that.
Smith: Sarcasm. Charming.
Priest: Is there anything you’d like to confess today, sir?
Smith: I wanna confess that I’ve been having impure thoughts about what I want to do to Hano Eiyu
Priest: Sexual thoughts?
Smith: Priest, this is not your late-night fantasy. Focus, dumbass. This is professional wrestling! I want to HURT Hano and free him from his own fears. I want to cut his mask off with a razor blade and lacerate his facial flesh as I remove the final shreds of anonymity from him. Listen to me, Hano Eiyu. You’re pissed at me and people like me who snatch gold wherever we find it? That’s fucking funny to me, man. Hehehe. Don’t get me wrong, I really do understand your view of low-hanging titles being beneficial to the development of the growing undercard. Those noobs would have the chance to experience the glory of holding gold! But, this is how I see things, Hano – there’s a developmental show for a goddam reason!!!!!!! When you work for that developmental show, it means that people like me don’t have to waste our time looking all the way down into the bottomless chasm of raw, slimy talent. Wet behind the ears and green as the grass on the other side! Hoping and dreaming that they will someday be called up to PCW to work live on Saturday nights! I am now speaking to everyone in this company from the very bottom to the tippy tippy top: because of people like me, the developmental guys have to decide whether to stick around and try to dethrone people like me or whether they should pack up their brand new wrestling attire, shove their tails up their asses, and walk out the front fucking door!!!!!! You think I’m going to just slip on a goddam banana peel and hand some newbie asswipe my most prized possession? Eiyu, hey you know Smith Jones better than that. I am here to bring up the level of competition in this company. I don’t just hashtag #changethegame, I fucking CHANGE IT!!!!! So, when new talent comes traveling through to decide where they want to live out their wildest dreams, only the VERY BEST in this business will be brave enough to sign contracts and work matches. I am sick and tired of catering to the lowest common denominator. I didn’t come here to coddle bleary-eyed babies. I came to Premium Championship Wrestling to FIGHT!!!!! So, you and people like you can stop your whining and complaining about the champions being too strong. Wrestling is hard, ain’t it? This place isn’t called Lemme-Have-A-Try Championship Wrestling. It’s Premium! PREMIUM!!!!!!! If you want gold in PCW, be the best or silently FUCK OFF.
Priest: You consider yourself to be the best?
Smith: LOTS OF PEOPLE consider me to be THE BEST!
Priest: An arrogant stance.
Smith: An arrogant—
Smith shakes his head and sighs.
Smith: Listen, priest. I’ve been at this wrestling game for a number of years now. I know my way around the ring quite well. I’m not the fucking #BroadcastChampion by accident. I targeted it and I shot straight at it like a laser. I have focus. I have drive. And even when my life is a mess of utter chaos, I still stand tall and fight on. You can attack me all you want, but I am the kind of man who is always strong enough to get back up. Just like you, Stryker. What the fuck was up with that promo of yours? What’d you have a bad batch of turtle soup on vacation or something? I’m glad to hear you’re so pumped about your thousands of failures. You brought in a new friend to help you feel safe in the cold shadow of Smith Jones? You think he’s gonna save you from anything? You think he’s really going to be able to stand beside you and help you through those painful moments when you fell like your life is about to end. You think he’s gonna care as much as I do about the pain I will be inflicting on you and Battle Finale III? I’m the one who’s going to walk you through this, Stryker. I’m the one who will hypnotize you with my dizzying wrestling skill that will have you wondering why you ever joined this business in the first place. Jacobs is just a stooge with arms and legs for me to break. You’ve attacked me from behind long enough. When #Match8 arrives and you escort the Hamster to ringside, I will see you standing there and make full eye contact with you. And if you are dumb enough to stick around at ringside, I may have a suicide dive holding a steel folding chair to deliver to your face!!!!! Fucker!!!! You’re the reason there are fingerprints on my #Title!!!!! Stryker will pay the price for his disrespect and so the fuck will you, Glen. Come down to ringside if you have balls enough to make it there. Come!
Priest: Your language, sir.
Smith: And while I already know that I can wrestle rings around Brian Stryker on his best day, Hano Eiyu has the most unique wrestling style I’ve seen in years! Every time I think I know what the fuck you’re gonna do, you go and do something I never ever thought I’d see my entire career. I will openly admit that you SHOCKED me (whether or not you inteded to) with your brand new approach to a very old game. Trying to change the game are we? You wanna start a new era too?!!?! What’s with the entire locker room infringing on my shit??!!?!?! I’m Smith Jones and I’m the one who’s part of The New Era!!!!! And Damon Warrens and Liam Reilly, obviously! You, Eiyu, are not going to have the strength to walk as far as even the first ‘RP’ in your promo that got eaten up from the inside out. Your passion is evident and always has been, young man. There’s blood all over your sleeve and your sparkling tears are difficult to ignore. I can see you! So the fuck what?
Smith barges out of the confessional with the same violent bravado he had used on the way in. He walks out onto the street and holds his hand out. Suddenly, a white limousine pulls up in front of the church. Smith opens the trunk and pulls out the PCW #BroadcastChampionship belt! He slams the trunk and the limo immediately pulls away. He fastens the belt around his waist backwards and then slowly spins the faceplate to the front. The nameplate clearly reads: Smith Jones. Jones has a proud scowl on his face. He snorts into camera.
Smith: I have passion too! I have passion! I love this sport as much as the babyfaces do! I just don’t care to please people. I do this for the money and the power to do whatever I want to do because of the money I make and the face I have. Being Smith Jones is fucking great!!!! I love it! I’m not having second thoughts or deep-seeded fears the way both of my opponents are. Listening to your promos was like listening to some ugly chick whine in a mental ward waiting room!!! Puh-lease, you heavy-hearted jack asses!!!! Nice that you’re both trying to show that you’ve got some crazy in you, but you still need just a little more work before you will ever have the chance to wear one of these as well as I do.
He pats the faceplate of the belt.
Smith: The key to being a champion in this biz is to have a sustainable personality; a gimmick or persona that will resonate with the audience in the short term and in the long term. Let’s look at my opposition, shall we? First, Hano, with his very open dialogue about how hard it is for him to stay inspired and be a wrestler. Do you know how many guys I’ve seen come into the ring and try to live out this incredible and difficult dream? This is not as easy as it looks and it’s damned sure hard to keep. Now, let’s assume the world loved what you did in your exposing RP. Humph! If they did, they must have to be wondering what’s next. Spoiler alert: this incredible and passionate promo exposes itself as one of the very final war cries of a fatally wounded soldier. You’ve got nothing left. You can’t carry a belt as heavy as this in your condition. Your weakening heart will bleed to death before you even get back to the locker room.
He laughs to himself.
Smith: Now, let’s look at Stryker. Hypnosis and a talking turtle.
Jones remains stone-faced. He then takes a deeeeeep breath and he speaks.
Smith: Battle Finale III is where the fight ends. And I don’t just mean the fight between the three of us. I am talking about the fight in both of you. Brian has been pinned by me some many times there’s a permanent imprint of me in his ribcage. And poor Hano, though he gave us a glimpse into his soul and our own, doesn’t have the heart to take another step in professional wrestling. Your promo read like a damned retirement speech!!
The camera zooms in close as he flares his nostrils and breathes fire!
Smith: This Saturday night in San Diego, I will successfully defend this PCW #BroadcastTitle just the way the majority of the wrestling world expects me to do!!!! This is match of the night because I am ALWAYS associated with that term. Whether or not you always agree that I win that honour, my name always comes up in match of the night conversations. The sins I plan to commit will never be absolved by some priest in a big brown box. I’m going to beat the living shit out of these failing freshmen and you will see, despite my very close loss to Syn, that the power of #Broadcast does, indeed, rule The World… and my #belt has no business being in the hands of people like you.
Fade to black.
Fade up on a shot of Notre Dame d'Auvergne Church in Pontiex, Saskatchewan. Pontiex, Saskatchewan??? Didn’t Smith tweet Syn from San Diego this morning? Didn’t they talk about meeting up for coffee?? Smith Jones has been taking random trips around the continent this week. He trained with street fighters in Mexico. He swam with the dolphins in Oahu, Hawaii. He was at the Juno Awards this past weekend in Regina giving attitude to Michael Bublé. He even visited the bombing site in Boston to pay respect to those who lost their lives and limbs and sense of safety that horrific day. And that visit to that place sent Smith Jones into a tailspin! And so, after a few restless days of wondering who and what he wants to be in the future, Smith, clean-shaven and pensive, almost looks like a tender babyface. He is moved almost to tears no matter where he goes when he thinks of those people at the Marathon and the moment their lives changed forever. He feels something for those people that he doesn’t commonly feel: compassion.
Smith Jones walks into the shot of the church in Pontiex, Saskatchewan. He’s wearing blue jeans and a gray T-shirt that says ‘#’ in the front of it in black with a big white ‘X’ over top of it, covering it almost completely. He walks quickly into the church with a sense of urgency. He walks through the foyer and down past the rows of pews, walking directly into a confessional and slamming the door!
Smith speaks up immediately, right in the middle of a thought.
Smith: That horrible image of that man with his legs blown clean off in a wheelchair while a woman pushes it and a man runs alongside him holding his arteries. If you’ve seen that image, you will never be able to unsee it. How do people who bomb shit exist?? Who the fuck does that??? Who bombs a marathon?
What kind of fucked up shit has to happen to a person to make them feel like that would be a good thing to do???Priest: I share your struggle for meaning in all of this.
Smith: Oh, I forgot to say this – forgive me Father for I have sinned. It’s been…
Priest: It’s been…?
Smith: I’m not really Catholic. This is new to me.
Priest: That’s fine.
Smith: I have sinned, sir, but my sins are nothing compared to the sins of the guys that bombed the marathon! I call myself a #heel all the time, but compared to them, I’m a tweener at best. I wake up every day like many people in this world, put those pants on one damned leg at a time, and work my ass off in whatever way I know how to scratch out some kind of living for myself and for those who matter to me. I am respectful to those I respect and I do damage, for the most part, within the confines of the prescribed environment without much extra curricular activity. I don’t attack people much. Last Rapture was a rare occasion where I went on the attack and jumped Brian Stryker from behind!!! Well, that didn’t go very well for me at all, did it? Fucking Hano decided to show his ugly fa-… I mean MASK and get involved in my personal vendetta against Brian Stryker!!! But that’s not the best part. The BEST part was the part where I got jumped by someone I could never have seen coming. Glen Jacobs. Who?
!? Why in the fuck would I expect to be demolished by a freight train in the backstage area??? But it didn’t end that night. You and your new monster have attacked me time and time again!! First, live on Rapture, then at house shows… I slipped and fell in the shower the other evening and I swear it was Glen Jacobs who did a run-in and shoved me to the wet ground!!! And even worse than all of that is the fact that Brian Stryker put his hands on my #. That does not sit well with me, motherfuckers. Hey priest!Priest: Yes.
Smith: You ever touch someone’s #? I mean, you guys are kind of known for that kind of thing. Secret door in the confessional or something??? You like to listen to sins. How ‘bout you share some sins of your own?!?!!
Priest: That’s not how this works.
Smith: How does it work, priest. Where’s the secret door in this confessional for you to commit your most cherished of sins?
Priest: I’m going to have to ask you to be more respectful, sir!
Jones breaks out in wild laughter! He tries to see through the tight lattice, but cannot see the priest’s face. He stops laughing but keeps the smile.
Smith: Do you know who I am? Have I ever entered the ring for a match without wiping my feet on the apron even one single time??? I run on respect! I am the most respectful motherfucker you’ll find out there!!!!!!!
Priest: I can see that.
Smith: Sarcasm. Charming.
Priest: Is there anything you’d like to confess today, sir?
Smith: I wanna confess that I’ve been having impure thoughts about what I want to do to Hano Eiyu
Priest: Sexual thoughts?
Smith: Priest, this is not your late-night fantasy. Focus, dumbass. This is professional wrestling! I want to HURT Hano and free him from his own fears. I want to cut his mask off with a razor blade and lacerate his facial flesh as I remove the final shreds of anonymity from him. Listen to me, Hano Eiyu. You’re pissed at me and people like me who snatch gold wherever we find it? That’s fucking funny to me, man. Hehehe. Don’t get me wrong, I really do understand your view of low-hanging titles being beneficial to the development of the growing undercard. Those noobs would have the chance to experience the glory of holding gold! But, this is how I see things, Hano – there’s a developmental show for a goddam reason!!!!!!! When you work for that developmental show, it means that people like me don’t have to waste our time looking all the way down into the bottomless chasm of raw, slimy talent. Wet behind the ears and green as the grass on the other side! Hoping and dreaming that they will someday be called up to PCW to work live on Saturday nights! I am now speaking to everyone in this company from the very bottom to the tippy tippy top: because of people like me, the developmental guys have to decide whether to stick around and try to dethrone people like me or whether they should pack up their brand new wrestling attire, shove their tails up their asses, and walk out the front fucking door!!!!!! You think I’m going to just slip on a goddam banana peel and hand some newbie asswipe my most prized possession?
Eiyu, hey you know Smith Jones better than that. I am here to bring up the level of competition in this company. I don’t just hashtag #changethegame, I fucking CHANGE IT!!!!! So, when new talent comes traveling through to decide where they want to live out their wildest dreams, only the VERY BEST in this business will be brave enough to sign contracts and work matches. I am sick and tired of catering to the lowest common denominator. I didn’t come here to coddle bleary-eyed babies. I came to Premium Championship Wrestling to FIGHT!!!!! So, you and people like you can stop your whining and complaining about the champions being too strong. Wrestling is hard, ain’t it? This place isn’t called Lemme-Have-A-Try Championship Wrestling. It’s Premium! PREMIUM!!!!!!! If you want gold in PCW, be the best or silently FUCK OFF.Priest: You consider yourself to be the best?
Smith: LOTS OF PEOPLE consider me to be THE BEST!
Priest: An arrogant stance.
Smith: An arrogant—
Smith shakes his head and sighs.
Smith: Listen, priest. I’ve been at this wrestling game for a number of years now. I know my way around the ring quite well. I’m not the fucking #BroadcastChampion by accident. I targeted it and I shot straight at it like a laser. I have focus. I have drive. And even when my life is a mess of utter chaos, I still stand tall and fight on. You can attack me all you want, but I am the kind of man who is always strong enough to get back up. Just like you, Stryker. What the fuck was up with that promo of yours?
What’d you have a bad batch of turtle soup on vacation or something? I’m glad to hear you’re so pumped about your thousands of failures. You brought in a new friend to help you feel safe in the cold shadow of Smith Jones? You think he’s gonna save you from anything? You think he’s really going to be able to stand beside you and help you through those painful moments when you fell like your life is about to end. You think he’s gonna care as much as I do about the pain I will be inflicting on you and Battle Finale III? I’m the one who’s going to walk you through this, Stryker. I’m the one who will hypnotize you with my dizzying wrestling skill that will have you wondering why you ever joined this business in the first place. Jacobs is just a stooge with arms and legs for me to break. You’ve attacked me from behind long enough. When #Match8 arrives and you escort the Hamster to ringside, I will see you standing there and make full eye contact with you. And if you are dumb enough to stick around at ringside, I may have a suicide dive holding a steel folding chair to deliver to your face!!!!! Fucker!!!! You’re the reason there are fingerprints on my #Title!!!!! Stryker will pay the price for his disrespect and so the fuck will you, Glen. Come down to ringside if you have balls enough to make it there. Come!Priest: Your language, sir.
Smith: And while I already know that I can wrestle rings around Brian Stryker on his best day, Hano Eiyu has the most unique wrestling style I’ve seen in years! Every time I think I know what the fuck you’re gonna do, you go and do something I never ever thought I’d see my entire career. I will openly admit that you SHOCKED me (whether or not you inteded to) with your brand new approach to a very old game. Trying to change the game are we? You wanna start a new era too?!
!?! What’s with the entire locker room infringing on my shit??!!?!?! I’m Smith Jones and I’m the one who’s part of The New Era!!!!! And Damon Warrens and Liam Reilly, obviously! You, Eiyu, are not going to have the strength to walk as far as even the first ‘RP’ in your promo that got eaten up from the inside out. Your passion is evident and always has been, young man. There’s blood all over your sleeve and your sparkling tears are difficult to ignore. I can see you! So the fuck what?Smith barges out of the confessional with the same violent bravado he had used on the way in. He walks out onto the street and holds his hand out. Suddenly, a white limousine pulls up in front of the church. Smith opens the trunk and pulls out the PCW #BroadcastChampionship belt! He slams the trunk and the limo immediately pulls away. He fastens the belt around his waist backwards and then slowly spins the faceplate to the front. The nameplate clearly reads: Smith Jones. Jones has a proud scowl on his face. He snorts into camera.
Smith: I have passion too! I have passion! I love this sport as much as the babyfaces do! I just don’t care to please people. I do this for the money and the power to do whatever I want to do because of the money I make and the face I have. Being Smith Jones is fucking great!!!! I love it! I’m not having second thoughts or deep-seeded fears the way both of my opponents are. Listening to your promos was like listening to some ugly chick whine in a mental ward waiting room!!! Puh-lease, you heavy-hearted jack asses!!!! Nice that you’re both trying to show that you’ve got some crazy in you, but you still need just a little more work before you will ever have the chance to wear one of these as well as I do.
He pats the faceplate of the belt.
Smith: The key to being a champion in this biz is to have a sustainable personality; a gimmick or persona that will resonate with the audience in the short term and in the long term. Let’s look at my opposition, shall we? First, Hano, with his very open dialogue about how hard it is for him to stay inspired and be a wrestler. Do you know how many guys I’ve seen come into the ring and try to live out this incredible and difficult dream? This is not as easy as it looks and it’s damned sure hard to keep. Now, let’s assume the world loved what you did in your exposing RP. Humph! If they did, they must have to be wondering what’s next. Spoiler alert: this incredible and passionate promo exposes itself as one of the very final war cries of a fatally wounded soldier. You’ve got nothing left. You can’t carry a belt as heavy as this in your condition. Your weakening heart will bleed to death before you even get back to the locker room.
He laughs to himself.
Smith: Now, let’s look at Stryker. Hypnosis and a talking turtle.
Jones remains stone-faced. He then takes a deeeeeep breath and he speaks.
Smith: Battle Finale III is where the fight ends. And I don’t just mean the fight between the three of us. I am talking about the fight in both of you. Brian has been pinned by me some many times there’s a permanent imprint of me in his ribcage. And poor Hano, though he gave us a glimpse into his soul and our own, doesn’t have the heart to take another step in professional wrestling. Your promo read like a damned retirement speech!!
The camera zooms in close as he flares his nostrils and breathes fire!
Smith: This Saturday night in San Diego, I will successfully defend this PCW #BroadcastTitle just the way the majority of the wrestling world expects me to do!!!! This is match of the night because I am ALWAYS associated with that term. Whether or not you always agree that I win that honour, my name always comes up in match of the night conversations. The sins I plan to commit will never be absolved by some priest in a big brown box. I’m going to beat the living shit out of these failing freshmen and you will see, despite my very close loss to Syn, that the power of #Broadcast does, indeed, rule The World… and my #belt has no business being in the hands of people like you.
Fade to black.
