Post by Smith Jones on Sept 11, 2013 11:00:07 GMT -5
Smith: The roof is about to come off this damned place again... and it's all because of us.
Fade up on a shot of the PremiumTron 5000 at a house show not far outside Milwaukee, Wisconsin, as ‘The Mighty Fall’ by Fall Out Boy plays. Looks like there’s a new video.
S&M appears on the stage to soak up the sweet rays of the spotlight! Smith Jones is dressed to compete in his trademark all white ring gear while Mya Denton wears a sexy little schoolgirl outfit comprised of a low cut white blouse with a loose red and gray striped tie, a red and gray plaid micro skirt, white hi-socks and red Chuck’s laced in white. They stop at the top of the ramp as fire rains from the sky behind them. Smith uses his index finger to draw an X across his chest. Mya steps in front of him and puts her hands on his chest, flipping her hair and looking back towards camera. He pulls her in close and kisses her passionately, lovingly. She responds in kind. They are lost in each other again. The crowd’s loud jeering brings them back to reality as they both scowl at the masses. Smith yells at one side of the crowd while Mya screams at the other. They hold hands and walk to ringside together. Smith leads Mya up the ring steps as they both wipe their feet and enter the ring. Mya calls for the white microphone and brings it over to Smith. As she hands it to him he leans down and she whispers something in his ear. Smith smiles at Mya. They laugh together. Smith then finds the lens of the main camera and stares. His expression is a disgusted frown, carved deep into his flesh. Mya laces her fingers in with his and keeps hold of his hand, hanging adoringly off his arm, looking up at him the whole time. Smith raises the white microphone to his lips and he speaks.
Smith: I’ve been drawing that ex on my chest since day one. It means I’m right here. It means if you’re looking for someone to flex your muscle against, look no further. If you need to be tested to the bounds of your ability, let it be ME who does the testing. I love to work hard. I love this business and despite the drawbacks of things like fan interaction, corporate bullshit, and rampant locker room politics, I am having the time of my fucking life working… WORKING… for Premium Championship Wrestling. When I first started using the catchphrase ‘I’m Smith Jones’, the whole point was that nobody knew me or gave a fuck who I was at the time, but the plan was to build the name into something that matters in this company. And so, fast forward to today when the name Smith Jones is synonymous with holy fuck I’m gonna be entertained out of my MIND right now!!!!! I came here to be a great wrestler, nothing more, nothing less. Never in a million years did I think I was going to end up finding a girl like my muse, my Mya.
Mya: Oh, babe.
Crowd: She’s a crack whore! Clap. Clap. Clap, clap, clap! She’s a crack whore! Clap. Clap. Clap, clap, clap!
Smith and Mya separate and go to opposite sides of the ring to yell at the crowd. The audience keeps chanting their insulting mantra as Smith and Mya can do nothing but wait until the noise dies down. The couple comes back together in the middle of the ring and they hold hands again.
Smith: Typical ignorant bullshit. Everybody keeps trying to drive a wedge between me and the woman I love. Do you know how many times I’ve had one of you mentally deficient, unkempt, bad-breathed, clammy-handed, shutterbug motherfuckers come up to me and say that Mya’s gonna stab me in the back? Do people ever say that kind of thing to you hon?
Mya: All the time! People feel the constant need to remind me that he’s Smith Jones and he’s a crazy loner who’s going to turn on me someday. Jealousy.
Smith: Plain and simple. A deep envy that cuts them to the core. It makes them bitter that anyone out there is happy, especially two successful and attractive mega-superstars like Smith Jones and Mya Denton. PCW’s hottest couple makes you sick… lovesick! You wish you could have it the way we do. Passion. Intensity. Fire. I know exactly how you people feel. Denying the existence of love so that you don’t have to bear the pain of not really having it for yourself. Stuck in a dying relationship where you come home late at night and drive around the block until the bedroom light goes out before you sneak into the house and fall asleep on the couch.
Mya: It sounds so sad, Smithy.
Smith: So sad, Mya. I know that sadness. I’ve been there before.
Mya: Haven’t we all…?
Smith: I’ve been that lonely guy, cutting myself off from those emotions of wanting to find someone. I never believed I would find someone like you to spend my life with.
Mya: Love you.
Smith: Same. And there will always be people like Curtis Wilkes who will try to use our relationship as a way to tear us apart and tear us down. Curt. You think that me being with Mya makes me emotionally weak? You need me to justify my hypocritical behaviour of once denouncing love and now embracing it? Despite my best efforts, man, I am only human and as such I have the same visceral urges that any healthy man of my age has. Want woman.
Smith grabs Mya by the ass and pulls her against him. They start to paw at each other.
Smith: And Mya is the woman I want. I hated love because I didn’t believe enough in humanity to think I’d find someone I can tolerate. Now, in front of the entire world, I admit that for the very first time in my twenty-nine years on this Earth… I was wrong. I know! Staggering! I was wrong to think I couldn't find love again. Curt, I’m not often wrong. I generally have a way of being able to see far into the future and that’s what makes me such a patient man. You wanna know how I knew you were gonna jump ship? You were all too quiet at the few meetings we actually did have. All of this experience and skill and you come storming into The New Era in what was (despite your downplay of it now) a highly watched segment on the May 25th episode of Saturday Night Rapture when you helped us take down the Train. The crowd went NUTS at the sight of you running out through the crowd, grabbing the ring bell, and joining The New Era in a shocking attack! Ratings spike for you courtesy of The New Era. Fuck, I am actually tired of saying that name. I don’t regret it for a moment, though. It gave me a chance to see you for who and what you really are. You came into a group that could’ve used you at full power and you half-assed it. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame you for its failure. I actually blame my antisocial own nature for the downfall of the group. I don’t like to spend time with people much. That’s a true fact about me. My loner tendencies made it hard for the group to remain a solid unit. I know that. Still, I would have expected more of an impact from a member of The Elite. You guys have gotten back together now and you’re interviewing inanimate objects on international television and that makes you feel like comedy superstars, but you missed the chance to make something bigger out of your tattered memories of the old days on the road with your best buddy Yoshi. You guys talk about how great you are and how nobody can stop you. If you were smart, you would have seen a nucleus of promising performers as a way to make The Elite into an even more powerful force going forward. The New Era lacked only focus. The potential was immeasurably huge and you could’ve had a bigger army to defend you against groups like Team Lethality. Instead, you are a tight-knit unit of talented guys who are vulnerable to get picked off one by one by people like S&M.
Mya: Will they really still be able to call themselves The Elite after we’ve beaten them back to back?
Smith: I would think not, sweetheart. They will have to come up with a new angle. There was a time when I daydreamed about being a part of The Elite, but I don’t do that anymore. Waste of time. They aren’t as great as advertised. This is the kind of business that relies on things being passed down, shared so that the game may continue for decades to come. Curtis Wilkes, we could have been great. You could have added your expertise and input. You could have been the great man you always like to say you are. You either couldn’t recognize the potential or you couldn’t commit. Or, perhaps you’re just NOT better than I am the way you like to proclaim you are. Maybe I shouldn’t be so egocentric as to assume you mean ME when you say ‘better than’. You must mean everybody else out there other than me. Wilkes, you’re like so many people in the world. People are afraid of change. People like to recreate the things in life that made them happy the first time around. That’s why Curtis Wilkes was never really fully a part of The New Era. You had other things on your mind. In three days from now, our past associations will be obliterated forever and hopefully neither of us will ever again have to revisit the unpleasant memory of working together.
Mya: Smith works with me now.
Smith: I work with Mya.
Mya: And when we come down to the ring this Saturday Night Rapture, we have nothing to prove. We proved it last Rapture when I kicked Yoshiru Long in the side of the head and Smith hit him with the Point of Controversy. How you feeling, Yoshi?
Smith: Yosh feels like shit, I’m sure. Curtis. My sex addiction has NOT been cured. I just focus that sexual energy into Mya now. Yeah, I’ve slept with a lot of women as you pointed out. I can tell from our hot bedroom antics that you, Mya, have some experience as well.
Crowd: Slut! Slut! Slut! Slut! Slut! Slut! Slut! Slut! Slut! Slut! Slut! Slut! Slut!
Smith steps behind Mya and covers her ears as the crowd chants. Smith then goes nuts and tears off a turnbuckle pad, throwing it at an old lady in the front row! He gets out of the ring and starts to kick the retaining wall, only to hurt his own foot. He hobbles back into the ring where Mya welcomes him with a hug.
Crowd: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!
Smith: HOW RUDE!!!!!!!
Mya: Whatever, love. It’s that jealousy again. Every woman out here wishes she could be like me and every guy would give his left nut just to have my hair brush up against his face, but neither of those things will ever happen!
Smith: Wilkes! You say you’re going to prove that I’m merely a mediorce wrestler who will never reach your level. Fuck. Thanks for the warning. I’ll be sure to bring my lovely lady down to ringside with me to make things even since there is clearly no chance I could ever beat you clean. Good thing I’ve got you, babe!
Mya: I’m right here.
Smith: I know. The trouble with people that don’t understand Smith Jones is that they always want to try and fit me into the predetermined mold they have in their minds for my character type. They have their own ideas as to what they would do if they were me. They wanna manipulate me around like a damned action figure or voodoo doll. Fuck you fucking fuckers. Seriously. I individually HATE every one of you that has ever tried to make me into something I’m not! If you’re ever gonna be a proper Smith Jones fan, you’ll have to let go of the notion that I’m going to do what you expect of me and just open your mind to me. But, you know that already, don’t you Curt? You are a bonafide Smith Jones fan if I’ve ever seen one. Come oooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnn. Don’t be shy about it. Don’t hide behind the failure of The New Era as a way to say I suck. You know I don’t suck. Please don’t ask again. Did you get the T-shirt I sent you?
Smith: I have no doubt that you are the kind of guy that always, always does your research, but at the same time I can tell from the way you so eloquently described my past that you didn’t gain all of that knowledge from just boring old research. You’ve been watching me for months! It’s creepy, man. But how can I blame you for being so interested in one of the most interesting superstars you’ve come across in all of your years in this great sport? You guys have been scratching and clawing for over a year to regain some gold. You wanna know why you haven’t been given any chances? Oh, I know! It's because even though you’re very, very entertaining and talented, you don’t really draw in fans the way you once did. You keep them watching once they’re here, but nobody is really turning on Rapture to see The Elite anymore. Nobody buys a ticket thinking about Curtis Wilkes. You’re those guys that have done so much for this company that it’s really nice to see you again, but when are S&M gonna be on? I don’t generally lie, Curtis. This is factual information. Gold on you would make sense if based solely on your ability to win, but you don’t draw like we draw. You don’t spike the ratings the way we do. You don’t give the little tweens hard-ons and wide-ons out there in the crowd. They laugh along with you in the moment and then they leave the arena talking about US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mya: PCW’s hottest couple.
Smith: S&M. Y’know Curt. I, like you, was once a soldier against sex and vulgarity in professional wrestling. I, like you, wanted to buck the system. But this game is like a boa and the harder you struggle against it, the tighter its grip on you. If you keep fighting against vulgarity in wrestling, you will lose that fight. I’ve learned that the key to success is to GIVE THESE RAVENOUS MORONS WHAT THEY WANT!!!!! These fans that we hate so much are the only way I’m ever gonna buy that private jet I’ve always wanted. That winter home in the Bahamas for my angel. That collection of white sports cars in my massive garage. My basement training ring and elaborate indoor/outdoor swimming pool. I have dreams!!!!! And my dreams will never be fulfilled by cleaving to my integrity. They want sex?
Mya: We’ll give them the best sex they’ve ever had.
Smith: They want violence?
Mya: We’ll cut people open and paint the canvas red every chance we get.
Smith: They want vulgarity?
Just then, Mya hits Smith with a hurricanrana that sends him flying against the turnbuckles in the corner! She just laid him out on the canvas. He gets up very confused and looks her in the eye. Mya looks very intense as she furrows her eyebrows at Smith. They both square up for combat.
Smith: Holy mother of fucking shit!!! What the dirty late-night fuck is going on here?!?!!?!
Mya: How did you not see that coming?
Jones looks around. They aren’t in an arena at all. They are in their warehouse training centre outside Toronto standing in the middle of the ring. Smith looks at Mya. She’s dressed in black Lulu Lemons and a spandex tank.
Smith: I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…
Mya: Stop daydreaming, Smith! We have a big match this Rapture AND we have to get our hands on that pink-haired bitch. Can you focus???
Smith: I can focus. I just…
Mya: Save it.
Mya rolls out of the ring and walks to the change room in a huff. Smith takes a step to follow her, but then catches a glimpse of himself in a mirror on the wall. He hops out of the ring and walks over to his reflection. He growls a low growl. He looks at the years that have collected all over his face. Wrinkles and scars retell stories from his past. Smith thinks for a split-second about his father and then starts to get very angry. He stares into his own eyes and sees Wilkes in his place.
Smith: You referred to my life as clichéd and then immediately launched into the very same arrogance versus confidence rant we’ve all heard a million times before from superstars with a better command of the language and much more widespread appeal than a slovenly blowhard such as yourself. You mentioned ‘Kai’ and ‘spotlight’ in the same breath. Dude, please. Kai hasn’t felt a spotlight on his skin in so long the medical staff is recommending that he wear SPF 30 to his next match just to be on the safe side. You seem to be trying every trick in the ol’ book to try to unnerve me and shake me from the lofty heights I frequent. You’re not the first one to warn me that Mya may just be using me for my unfathomable infamy. You think she just wants to stand next to me while I tear the house down every chance I get? You think she’s a gold digger? You think she’s gonna stab me in the back??!? I appreciate your concern for me. I recognize your worry that I might soon turn on her. Nice to know you’re watching us so closely. We are PCW’s hottest couple, after all. We deserve it. And Brytain, I know you’ve waited all through this promo for me to say your name, so here’s a tidbit you may want to stick in that little brain of yours: there will be a price to pay for burning that belt. I take it very personally. You don’t like death threats? Fine. How about a promise? After Anarchy, Brytain Montgomery, you will never be the same. I promise to change you again. I won’t kill you; I will make you stronger. This is the Devil, is it? Bullshit!!!!! I made you the way you have become, Bryte. I made you in my image. I’ve made you into this monster slowly since the very moment you won the Broadcast Championship, so you can’t be the Devil. You must simply be possessed by the horrifying spirit of the mean mean man Smith Jones. Everyone wants to be me. They can’t. Feel free to cheer for the likes of Curtis Wilkes and Brytain Montgomery in support of their valiant efforts to look mean, but for goodness sake, whatever you do, don’t boo for cheap imitations. Boo the #heel of PCW. Boo me.
Fade to black.
Smith: See you Saturday.